the politics of silence

i love silence. it's a source of peace, and a comfort that provides me with the space to think, without the input of ambient music or the chatter of television. of course, i am talking about silence by choice. silence for the purpose of refreshment. yet there is another type of silence. the silence that is not a choice. the silence that doesn't refresh but suffocates. the silence that is a tool to oppress and to erase the evidence of oppression. the silence onto death.

it's the silence that rings in the ruins of the nazi holocaust. it's the silence of racism that cuts deep in the memory of history. it's the silence that lays in the wake of war. it's the silence that is the company of battered women. it's the silence of a wasteland that once was a rain forest. it's the silence in places where rape victims carry the guilt of their rape. it's the silence of the closet door sealed by intimidation. it's the silence of ashes.

"there is a time for everything under the heavens...a time to keep silence, and a time to speak". wisdom is found in knowing what the time calls for us to do.

when people are denied their freedom, it is a time to speak. when people are not allowed to express their truth but have their truth dictated to them, it is a time to speak. when the innocent are abused, it is a time to speak. when labor becomes slavery, it is a time to speak. when the earth is used beyond reason or need, it is a time to speak.

but who will speak for those without freedom, such as the people locked away in the concentration camps of north korea? and who will speak for those who are demonized and thus dehumanized, such as gay people in many places across our globe? and who will speak for the victimized, such as the children who quietly quiver in too many homes? and who will speak for the voiceless, such as the animals whose habitat are vanishing with each passing day? indeed who will speak for the silence that cries out not to be silent? will the who be you?

remember, our silence will not protect us.

© 2010 Halley Low

dust in the wind

most of us don't like to think about death, in particular our own death. we all know to one degree or another that we will die, but most of us try very hard not to think about it at all if possible. when i was younger i knew that one day i would die, but it was very abstract and something i thought was years away from my personal reality. that is a common enough stance for young adults. as we get older and more people we know and love pass from this world the reality of our mortality tends to solidify. yet it is common enough even then to avoid facing the fact of our individual mortality. that's why people put off making a will or talking with loved ones about things like life support decisions and organ donation.

this is largely due to our fear of death. we live in a culture that makes death the great enemy. something to be resisted at all cost. on one hand this makes sense. life is great, our bodies are amazing, the earth is a wonder, and we want to be with the ones we love. yet while all this is true, it is also true that our time under the sun is short, and death is the natural end for all physical life. understandably we may not like that fact, and naturally we resist it, but regardless of how healthy our diet, or how much we exercise, or how advanced medical science becomes - death will always be with us, it simply is the nature of things. (i am speaking of natural death and not death by an act of violence, which is a topic for another reflection.)

while it is understandable and common to fear death, or at least not want to think about it, there is wisdom in being aware of its reality. i am not talking about a morbid obsession with death, which is as bad as an obsession with avoiding death, but a healthy awareness of our personal mortality. being mindful of our mortality helps us accept that we have real limitations. it keeps in check delusions as to our power. the "if you think it you will be it" school of thought and the "power of positive thinking" school are not the absolutes we often delude ourselves into believing. our lives and our wills have limits. a healthy awareness of that fact should help us in making choices about what is really important to us and what we really want to do in our life.

a healthy awareness of death also serves to remind us of the importance of the relationships we hold with others. there is an old adage that says "don't let the sun go down on your anger". anger, however much justified (at least in our own mind), separates us from others. if i get angry with someone i care about and let it fester i will grow a huge resentment that can construct a rigid wall between the two of us. anger that is unresolved can sour our relationships and even our personality. if we let the sun go down on our anger, meaning not addressing it as soon as possible, we may lose the chance to resolve it to death and a hole of regret and remorse may become permanent in our heart. prayer and therapy may help us accept the hole but they can not completely heal it. we didn't create the anger on our own and we can't resolve/heal it on our own, those involved in the rift need to come together for resolution to be possible.

we may become angry with death whom we perceive as having "robbed" us of the chance for that healing resolution. but that is misplaced blame. in choosing to let the sun go down on our anger we "robbed" ourselves of the chance for wholeness. today is the day of resolution, not tomorrow which may never come. today is our chance for wholeness. today is the time of decision. this is the wisdom that a healthy awareness of our mortality brings. death need not be our enemy but a friend who reminds us that nothing on earth is forever, and what is truly important is the love we share. the time to engage love is always now.

© 2010 halley low

who are the least of the least?

and Jesus said, "whatever you do to the least of these you do to me...and whatever you do not do to the least of these you do not do to me." among the very least are all those whose voices have been hushed by social custom or legal decree. if a person or group of people are not allowed to speak it is much easier to oppress and marginalize them. such is the case for women, who in some cultures are denied educational opportunities and are not allowed to speak their truth in public. such is the case for gay people in some countries silenced by intimidation with imprisonment or execution. such is the case for the hungry weakened by starvation, or the prisoners silenced by isolation, or the sick too weary for words. yet, there may be a few among these who are able to gather up enough strength and willingness to risk their life or liberty in order to raise their voice in protest. so i still ask - who are the least of the least?

i find the answer to that question at the end of the book of jonah. you may know the story of jonah, a man called by God to go and speak to the people of nineveh. jonah didn't like the people of that city for he thought they were great sinners deserving punishment. he feared if he spoke to them as God instructed him they might repent, and knowing that God is merciful God may bless them instead of curse them. in the end jonah's fears were realized, the people of nineveh repented and God showed mercy to the city. now jonah was very angry with God. God spoke to jonah in an effort to help him understand, and God said to him - "but jonah think of all the innocent little children and the many animals."

here God also answers my question - the least of the least are those who are voiceless, who regardless of strength or courage simply have no voice with which to speak on their own behalf. they are the little children and the animals. are we willing to speak out for them?

the call and the response

often we think of "call" as the vocation or occupation that is meant for us to fulfill in our lives. but is the vocation we choose in response to the call the totality of our call, or only part of our call and therefore only a partial response to the call? we are called to love and serve God, and others, as they are in a real sense one and the same. Jesus said "love God and love your neighbor as yourself." and He said "what you do to the least of these you do to me" - what clearer affirmation of the unity of love - to love God is to love others, to serve God is to serve others. and as teresa of avila wrote long ago, "if you say you love God but do not give care to your neighbor, you deceive yourself." thus the call is one - but the response are manifold.

how then is it possible that our service to God should be limited to one occupation, or for that matter, compartmentalized to the sunday liturgy or even a daily hour of prayer? doesn't every action we take, to one degree or another, either serve God or not? i suppose if we were honest, we would have to admit that everything we do is either an answer to the call to love or the opposite. every action either becomes a sacrament or a profanity.

"do onto others as you would have them do to you", if that indeed is the whole of the law and the prophets as Jesus said, then it requires of us much reflection and discernment before we act, that our actions may truly express our response to the call. i am thinking of a book i read by rabbi david cooper entitled "God is a Verb". he says that before one does anything one should always ask this question - "to what degree does the balance of the universe depend on my next action?" surely if we asked this of ourselves before any action we would likely think more, and act less; and when we did act we would more often act in wisdom.

the point of prayer

the point of prayer is presence, that is consciously resting in the presence of God. it is not so much about words as it is about the silence between the words. it is not so much about conversing with God as it is about communing with God. it is not so much about asking for things or giving thanks for things already recieved, as it is about an attitude of dependency and gratitude. and it is definitely not about magic - prayer, in and of itself, has no power. power resides in the One whom we engage in prayer.

the point of prayer is conscious communion with God. that is why words are not necessary for prayer. words can be useful, and indeed we often pray with words, but words are not the essence of prayer only one means of communing. think about the words of the prophet micah - in response to the question "what is required of us?" he replies, "to be kind, to seek justice, and to walk humbly with God." walking with someone is an act of presence. you may or may not talk with your walking companion but you are completely present to your companion as long as you are walking together. to walk with someone is to be with them as they move through time and space. when we walk with God we are in step with God. prayer is about walking with God.

the point of prayer is knowing that we are loved enough that God is with us always, in our joys and sorrows, in our successes and brokenness. prayer is the soul calling out in the darkness and God's embrace in the darkness. prayer is to be present and open to the continuous flow of God's abundant love i.e. "to walk with God." it is the best way of keeping sane in a crazy world.

© 2010 halley low

the soul of sanity

the ancient hebrew word "nephesh" can be translated as "living being, life, blood, or soul". according to genesis life is given to humanity through the very breath or spirit(hebrew-ruah)of God. in the gospel of john we are told - "all things came into being through Him and without Him no thing came into being. what came into being in Him was life, and the life is the light of the world."


through God, the source of life, we come into existence, but it is in God that we experience the fullness of life and come to a knowledge of who we truly are. what do i mean? our existence is a simple fact - i be therefore i am. through God we exist in relation to God by the mere fact that we now exist, and all that exists does so in relation to all else that exists. yet we only come to an understanding of what it means to be fully human by relationships we enter into with others. when we consciously engage the One from whom all things flow we have entered life in God, that is - in relationship with God. if our relationships with other human beings, who share in our limitations, enables us to experience more fully what it is to be human - how much more expansive and intimate a knowing and experiencing of life we have when we consciously live in God - who knows each of us better then we know ourselves!!!

all living beings are equal in the sense that we all share in the inter-dependency which is the nature of all that exists within the physical universe. and we are all equal in that we all share the same fate, whether human or animal, that is birth and death - the cycle of physical life. living in God, that is intentional relationship with God, is qualitatively different from relationships we may hold with another person or any sentient being, because we are not equal with God, we do not share, by nature, the same fate as God. unlike a relationship of equals, in which we are inter-dependent, our relationship with God is rooted in the awareness of our total dependency on God. that the whole universe is completely dependent on God is the true nature of things. yet it is only by being in relationship with God that we are conscious of our dependency - inviting us to gratitude and humility.

gratitude awakens in us a sense of joy as we grow in awareness that life is total gift, given to us freely and without any merit on our part. joy is a common human experience whenever we receive an unexpected gift, and the most common response is thankfulness to the giver. in thankfulness we are able to deeply sense the love expressed in the giving. in thankfulness we come to know that in the eyes of the giver we are worth the gift. to come to a sense of our own worth in the eyes of God we are able to find the truth of our being - beloved children of God. this truth fills us with joy, and affirms our dependency on the Giver. thus we are humbled.

humility makes equality a reality because it allows us to see ourselves in proper perspective. humility opens us to engage in real relationships with other people and God; it frees us from the need to control others and the illusions of pride, and invites us to simply love and enjoy. we are free to be who we are, equal to all others and sharing in the same rights to life and liberty gifted to all. living in God calls us to right living - that is "to be kind, to seek justice, and to walk humbly with God". freed from the illusions of pride we can experience inner peace. in relationship with God our lives become a light to the world.

this is the soul of sanity.

© 2010 halley low

the wounds that bind us (part 2)

some think that healing means returning to where they were, or who they were, before any particular trauma or life event - everything simply going back to "normal". but healing is a process that bring us to a new normal, not a return to where we were before. the healing process is akin to the process of growth which is the very nature of living. i know that may surprise some to hear, but think about it for a moment. what is "normal", in the sense of our day to day lives, is constantly re-adjusting itself to the situations and events we continuously encounter. every moment we live we change, to one degree or another, by the various experiences, good, bad or indifferent, that we encounter throughout our lives. and that is what normal is, the process of growth (which at time includes a bit of pruning); it is the nature of living to change.

a flower may open it's petals wide in the bright sunshine of a clear day, and the next day some of the flower's petals may be damaged by a rain storm. in both cases,the sunshine and the rain storm, have changed the flower. it can never turn back from that sunny day to be a bud again, nor can it ever go back to the full flower of the day before the storm. yet it continues onward, growing in different ways each day, affected by its past, fully living in its present, and moving onward to its future. returning to where or what it was is simply not an option, much as one may desire, it is simply not the way of life. a large part of healing, or for that matter productive sane living, is found in accepting life on life's terms - and that means accepting that we are always moving towards newness, the ever expanding circle of living, the promise of tomorrow by the living of today in the wisdom gained from the past. that is the essence of true healing. life is dynamic.

sometimes our wounds are deep, and we may need to retreat for a while. that too can be, and often is, part of the healing process. it is only when we get "stuck" in the retreat that we cut ourselves off from the process. we are all different and our wounds are different. some have experiences too terrible for words, and the healing from those experiences may take a life time. the pain may be great and the fear seemingly insurmountable, so we may get "stuck" not wanting to proceed with living. it is understandable of course. and it is why we need to share the burden with another person and with the One who knows us better then we know ourselves. but that is not always easy because the hurt has made us fearful and untrusting, and that makes sense, "once burnt twice shy" as my mother was fond of saying. but unbridled fear cuts us off from life.

fear is essentially a lie - it tells us that because we are damaged we should never trust again, healing isn't worth the pain, life is a misery, all is dross, everyone is false, God doesn't exist or just doesn't care. when we are hurting, really and deeply hurting, it is very easy to believe the lie, and just want to retreat inwards, or escape outwards from the hurt by whatever means makes me feel better and able to "forget" it all. either way we get stuck, we become cut off from life and exist in a shadow. we feel "protected" from the past, and may even believe we have no future; and that is the saddest lie in the whole world. believing the lie means never having the chance to be "normal", we become stagnant and cut off from the dynamic process of life.

lies are like a trap we can fall into, and once trapped it can be very hard to get out. we might even believe the additional lie that we are not able to get out, or our hurt is so deep we don't care if we get out. it is a decision that each one of us can only make for ourselves. all i know, is that for myself, i would rather take the risk of living one day like a butterfly soaring through the air then to spend a hundred years entombed in a cocoon.

the wounds that bind us (part 1)

there are some who say that the way to counter negative feelings is by simple repetition of positive self-affirmations. while i concur with the general notion that positive affirmations of self and others helps to uplift and encourage, there is a danger lurking in the assumption that negative feelings are bad. if we make a habit of always covering our negative feelings, our hurts and resentments and pain, with "happy thoughts" we will miss the opportunity for real healing. affirmations can act like a band-aid, they cover the wound so we don't see it. if we keep adding band-aid on top of band-aid the wound remains out of sight but does not heal. hidden under layers of band-aids it festers and deepens.

now band-aids have there place in the healing process, but periodically they need to be removed so that the wound can be cleansed and treated in order to promote real healing. sometimes the band-aid needs to remain off the wound, allowing the wound to be exposed to the much needed fresh air and sunlight.

sometimes a scab forms over the wound, kind of a natural band-aid working to heal the wound from the outside inward. for some wounds that's just perfect, yet sometimes the scab falls off before the healing is complete, or we may pick at it a bit thinking it's all better, but its not, and so the wound starts to tickle with blood. "darn thing, thought i was over it." but that's ok because different wounds heal at different rates. of course i want the pain to end now. i don't like pain, what sane person does, so the desire to simply apply another band-aid and forget about it is very tempting.

funny thing is that wounds have a way of making themselves known, often in different guises. an infection may set in and travel to another part of the body manifesting in a boil or some other condition without any awareness, on our part, of the connection between the two. for instance, there is a direct correlation between infections in our mouth and heart disease. go figure, who would have thought, but its true. so it is with emotional infections, a deep wound from childhood lies hidden under band-aids and festers, erupting years later in the form of arguments with loved ones or displaced feelings of resentment or any number of problems or stresses.

i used to apply to myself (and others) what i like to call the joan rivers school of psychology - "quit blaming your mother, get a job, and grow up", lol. and there is some truth in that; once you are an adult it's important to take responsibility for your life. blaming others, even blaming ourselves or God, just diverts us from growing. the blame game is just another band-aid.

however, the problem with this "school of psychology" is that it promotes denial. just forget about it and move on - it should be so simple. forgetfulness is like a long lasting scab, suddenly it itches a bit and you are reminded of it, so you pick at it a bit and then the blood starts to flow, and the original hurt surfaces. this may cause tears. in my case, whenever that happened i would quickly follow archie bunker's instruction to his wife edith whenever she got upset over something - "stifle yourself". stifle means "to quell, to crush, to kill by smothering", gee doesn't that sound like the way to good health? well it never worked for me either.

the truth is the only way to heal a wound is to address it. it will take time, and attention, and the courage to bear the pain, and often, very often, it will take help - from a friend or a professional - and especially from the One who can heal from the inside outward.

the heart of sanity

thinking about what i wrote yesterday, i realized that there is a fundamental difference between existing in relation to God, others, the earth, and living in relationship with God, others, the earth.

to be in relation to something is merely a matter of the order of things. i live in relation to the trees because both the trees and i exist and unconsciously interact - i provide them with co2 and manure, and they provide me with oxygen and shade.

But to live in relationship with the trees requires a conscious act of my will. it requires me to want to know them and to care about them consciously. for instance, on the abstract level, when i come to know trees as a species i gain a conscious insight as to their importance to me and their place in the greater scheme of things. on a more concrete level, when i come to know a particular tree, such as the one in my yard, i enter into a relationship with that tree; consciously watering, trimming, caring for the tree, and in turn consciously enjoying the beauty and solace it naturally provides me. i am able to become aware of its importance in my life and the importance i hold for it's life.

how much more profound an experience it is - when i make a conscious act of will to be in relationship with a being who can consciously engage me in relationship. when i engage another person, or any sentient being, in relationship i immediately begin to liberate myself from the bonds of self-centeredness and am able to begin to really engage life. hope becomes a real possibility because i have entered the bigger picture. i am not alone. relationship gives me the opportunity to experience the joy of living, and conversely life's sorrows. relationship opens me to the fullness of what it means to be human, and the dynamism that is real life.

yes, choosing relationship is risky, but choosing to exist solely in relation to others binds me to a static self-absorbed existence, which is not really living at all.

© 2010 halley low

my first post

greetings

this blog is about keeping sane in what seems at times to be a very insane world. i am thinking of this as a twofold exercise. first, by reflecting on my on-going quest for clarity and understanding. second, by reflecting on what's going on in our world with an eye to the larger picture. i believe in order to be sane in a crazy world, one needs to be able and willing to critically reflect on one's life; and to be able and willing to reflect on the world from a perspective beyond the limits of one's station in life.

my journey has taught me that sanity is found in living in relationship. insanity is most easily achieved by just the opposite, living in self-centeredness, where "i" becomes the great "i am". living in relationship keeps me aware of the fact that i am not alone; i don't carry the world on my shoulders; i don't always have to be right; and i don't have to live in fear.

one may ask, "well don't we always live in relation to everything else"? and yes by the nature of things we do live in relation to everything else that exists, in particular our family and society. but i am talking about more then existing in relation to other things, i am talking about intentional relationship - which requires active engagement, mutuality in giving and receiving, openness to the uniqueness of the other, and the ability to bend. and i am talking about intentional relationship as expansive, growing, and alive. not just with our family and friends and our society, but with the whole of creation, and above all else with God.

so this is the beginning, of what i hope will be a fruitful enterprise for myself and all those who accompany me on this blog journey. may the Peace that surpasses all understanding be our guide in the days to come.

in unity
tb2G