sane living in a crazy world

sometimes

2011-11-11T08:46:00.000-05:00

sometimes when something is a great effort and challenging in ways beyond imagining, people, well many people, will tell you to - give up, let it go, think about yourself, why complicate your life, etc.

and when you face your limitations and your fears, and question your sanity, yet persevere, continuing to question and to face your limitations while reaching out; and you listen to those couple of voices who oppose the cacophony of naysayers and you are encouraged to persevere.

then you come to realize that questions will always be, and limitations are good, and this is all necessary to live in faith so that you may move beyond perseverance to a living hope.

what is freedom?

2011-07-07T18:05:00.005-04:00

with july 4th having just past, i pause to reflect on the meaning of freedom. according to the dictionary freedom means: to be at liberty rather than in confinement or under restraint, to be exempt from external control or regulation, the power to determine for oneself and the opportunity to exercise that power. so we could say that freedom is the ability to say and live the old revolutionary motto “don’t tread on me”.

we can say “don’t tread on me”, “don’t box me in”, “don’t impose your rules on me" because we recognize freedom as a natural right. yet we can only recognize the right to freedom, because we have come to the realization that freedom is a gift given to us by God.

there is a popular song from the 60’s that goes like this - “born free, as free as the grass grows, as free as the wind blows, born free to follow your heart”. and that’s the truth, we are born free. this innate gift of freedom includes the ability to make choices. not simply choices like “do i want vanilla or chocolate ice cream” but much greater choices, choices that truly matter – that is the ability to make ethical choices, to be moral agents, the expression of our God-given “free will”. moral choices, unlike choosing between vanilla or chocolate ice cream, affect our lives and the lives of others in deeply meaningful and lasting ways.

one primary moral choice we make is to allow others their right to be free. this is an important point of understanding for those who choose to follow Jesus. in the gospel of luke Jesus reads from the prophet isaiah telling us He is the one anointed "to bring the good news to the poor and to let the oppressed go free", and He tell us “today this scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.” in proclaiming this good news Jesus is telling us that we are free, and that no one has the right to oppress God's children or deny our birthright.

this is contrary to the ways of the world, where the powerful and privileged do as they please regardless of how it affects others. it is contrary to popular notions of freedom, which confuse freedom with simply doing your own thing without regard to others. so the freedom Jesus brings is dangerous to cultural assumptions, because Jesus defines freedom, true freedom, as something very different. He is not simply restating the often misunderstood revolutionary motto “don’t tread on me”, rather Jesus is proclaiming that true freedom is found in the motto “don’t tread on others”. because freedom isn’t just recognizing our individual right to make choices for our selves, rather freedom, if its real, allows others the right to determine for themselves which path they will follow.

if in my freedom I am treading on another, than I have become the oppressor, robbing the other of the good news that the Messiah has come to release us from all bondage: including the bondage to customs, and the bondage to self. think about what paul wrote in Galatians “for you were called to freedom but do not use your freedom as an opportunity for selfish indulgence”, because real freedom is found in, and expressed through, making moral choices. we live in a world filled with other creatures, human and animal. we live in a world where every person has been born free, a world where every creature is a child of God. real freedom means recognizing that truth and acting accordingly; “don’t tread on others” because it’s really not all about you.

to our contemporary american ears that might sound a bit off since everything in our consumer culture tells us – "yes freedom is all about you", well all about your indulging yourself in whatever pleasures or pursuits you wish, without regard to there impact on others. typically because someone is making a nice profit off our self-absorption. we have been duped into believing that freedom is the ability to indulge ourselves in whatever external pleasures we will. “don’t tread on me” becomes “I’ll do whatever I wish regardless of how it affects other people or the earth”.

so many of our seemingly harmless self indulgences do negatively impact on the earth and on other people. but if we don't take the time to look we can remain conveniently unaware of it. so much easier to remain unaware and pretend that absolves us from what we do. and if need be we can always point the finger at someone else and wash our hands of the matter. its nice to have someone else to put the blame on, pontius pilate felt the same way.

paul explains what real freedom is- "for the whole law is summed up in a single commandment, “you shall love your neighbor as yourself”. sound familiar? perhaps because Jesus said the same thing. real freedom, freedom from customs and self, is found in loving others as an extension of yourself. a radical thought, at least in context of our contemporary consumer-driven lifestyles. paul goes on to warn us if we choice to use our freedom as a pretext for selfishness we will in the end bring about our own ruin and the ruin of others.

so let's celebrate our freedom, and reflect on the freedom Jesus calls us too. not a right or gift we hold to ourselves, but one that all share in by God-given birthright; and let us reflect on the manner and means by which we are living our lives in context of love, remembering, as paul also writes "the only thing that counts is faith working through love". its the only thing that ultimately matters, the only way to really be free and live freely; for in truth “none are free, till all are free”.

the church has no volunteers - oh my

2011-05-06T22:36:00.005-04:00

hey, did you hear the news, the church has no volunteers. nope, not a one, what are we going to do??? but don’t be alarmed, there’s nothing to worry about. yep, absolutely nothing to worry about because the church doesn’t need volunteers. the reason for that is because we have more then enough ministers to do all the work of the church.

see my friends, Jesus never called anyone to be a volunteer. in fact you will not find the word “volunteer” in any of the gospels in the new testament. Jesus doesn’t want volunteers. The army and rotary club call for volunteers, but Jesus calls disciples.

a disciple is someone who response to Jesus’ call to follow Him, in fact that’s what the word disciple means – one who follows. and Jesus calls His disciples to follow His example. there's a story in john’s gospel where Jesus washes the feet of His followers and says to them, “I have given you example, do as I have done - serve one another.”

Jesus came as a servant to humanity, and bids us to follow Him and become servants too. so if you are a follower (disciple) of Christ, then you are a servant too. and did you know that the word “minister” comes from the Latin “to serve”, so a minister is a servant, and all Christ’s true followers are therefore ministers. yep, the church is chock full of ministers – me, you, the guy who sits next to you in the pew, the woman handing you the hammer at a mission project, the girl standing next to you in the praise band or choir, all of us – ministers of Christ, called to serve one another, and to serve God by participating in God's work of healing our broken hearts and broken world.

so the next time someone asks you to volunteer to do something for the church, just tell them, “sorry i’m not a volunteer, i’m a minister of Christ - so what is it you need me to do?”

© 2011 Halley Low

living outside the cocoon

2011-05-03T11:49:00.001-04:00

life in Christ is like the life of a caterpillar after it emerges from it’s cocoon transformed into something new and beautiful. the transformation takes place within the silent stillness of the cocoon, but if the caterpillar doesn’t brake out of the cocoon and fly up into the sunlight, the beauty of its wings will never be realized, and the freedom of its new life never experienced. it will never embrace the flowers, drinking of their nectar and assisting them in their process of pollination. if it chooses to stay in the silent safety of the cocoon the caterpillar will have only lived half a life. if it chooses to stay in the cocoon it will separate itself from life and die of hunger.

sadly, too many people follow the path of the reluctant caterpillar, crawling along until they find a comfortable spot then wrapping themselves in a private cocoon. within their personal cocoon they “get stuck”, perhaps by fear or hurt, yet whatever the reason their transformation stops short of realization, and inwardly they die of hunger a little more each day.

this is sad, for Christ came that we might have “life abundantly”. through His resurrection Jesus broke out of the cocoon and bids us to follow Him into the process of living abundantly; as life in abundance can only be lived outside of the cocoon. to stay in the cocoon is to remain separated and isolated, to live outside the cocoon is to live in connection and relationship.

living in connection is living in reciprocity. living in connection with the whole of creation means being part of something greater than oneself. living in connection with God empowers us to move from one point of being to a new point of being progressively, and not just for our individual sakes but for all that we touch in the interactive process of living in Christ. think about the butterfly, it takes life in the form of nectar from the flower and gives new life in the form of pollination to flowers yet to unfold. this is Christ’s invitation to all people – to break out of the old, to live boldly in the new, to take each moment as an opportunity to give and through the giving received more then we had before.

the essence of a christian life is a life that is connected, interactive and inter-dependent. no one can be a christian in isolation. Jesus didn’t come to guide us in a way of individualistic or narcissistic mysticism; He came to create a new and universal community, to open eyes that have been blinded by self-centeredness in order to see the glory of God that surrounds us and to take part in that glory, to heal hearts of loneliness by giving of Himself that we may have life and have it abundantly.

living in Christ is not about sitting in the corner reciting “praise Jesus” all day, rather living in Christ is about engaging life in all its grandeur, and even its brokenness, for engagement is true praise. living in Christ is about being part of the process of healing and transformation that flows from the heart of God manifesting in our actions. this is why when Jesus was told that His mother and brothers were waiting for Him, He responded “my mother and brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.” the word of God is active and creative and calls us to action, not to standing about waiting, but to be connected to the work of God – for God’s word and God’s work are one. “be not a hearer of the word but a doer”, follow Jesus out of the cocoon and live connected that you may have an abundant life; remembering that abundance is not about quantity but quality. for as a wise man said long ago – “it is in giving that we receive, in forgiving that we are forgiven, and in dying to self that be are born to true life”.

© 2011 Halley Low

an easter people

2011-04-23T14:54:00.015-04:00

we say - "Jesus Christ is risen, He is risen indeed". we say it every easter. and we profess to be - "an easter people", meaning a people of new life, risen life, a people who are free thanks to our risen Savior. this is our faith, this is our hope, that through the rising of Jesus we are part of a new creation, participants in the unfolding kingdom of God, which Jesus declared is within us. and on easter day we proclaim all this in song and prayer with boldness.

then monday comes, then tuesday, and for many of us the bold proclamations about Christ our risen Lord, and our bold assertions about being an easter people become private murmurs, and even sometimes fade with the setting sun of doubt.

why does our boldness fade and our doubt resound? if asked this to our face, most of us would proclaim again with our lips – "Christ is risen, he is risen indeed. we are an easter people". but, so long as we are not asked, not challenged, not put on the spot to profess our belief, well, for most of us, we just don’t talk about it much, and frankly don’t live it very much. i mean live as an easter people, a people rising in new life.

the symbol of the butterfly emerging from the safety of the cocoon has a long tradition in the church. it's such a perfect natural analogy for the resurrection – the ordinary caterpillar encased in a cocoon, all brown and still and seemingly lifeless; meanwhile deep within a transformation is unfolding, a miracle which no eyes can see happens in the silent darkness; than suddenly the seemingly hard shell of the cocoon is ruptured, and one of God’s most inspiring creatures ascends into the air.

but what happens to the caterpillar who remains within the seeming safety of the cocoon, who is unwilling or unable to break through? we all know what happened don’t we, the caterpillar is dead, and the cocoon – the miraculous womb of transformation - has indeed become a tomb.

sadly, just as with the caterpillar, this happens with christians too. wrapped in the seeming safety of a comfortable building, be it a home or a sanctuary, we remain unwilling to break through the boundaries, choosing instead to remain where we are, in seeming security, apart from the world, apart from each other, apart from ourselves, and even apart from God. oh we love God and we say we believe, but please don’t push me out of my comfort zone, please don’t ask me to see things in a different light, as my comfort zone is tight but seems manageable, and my eyes have become so accustomed to the dim light of my insecure faith that I dare not open myself to the light of the Spirit, lest I be moved, in particular moved out of my comfort zone and into the new day with its uncomfortable bright light.

think a moment, what if Jesus had chosen that path. imagine if lying in the cool dark tomb Jesus decided to stay put. after all, hadn’t he had just about as much as any one could take of the human race, and our double dealing and double standards? Why should he risk, again, to go back into the world and speak to hearts and heal wounds, a world who didn’t understand him, a world that was afraid of him because he challenged the world to see things in a different light? What if he decided “oh the heck with it and the heck with them, I’m staying put, its been a long and truly exhausting day and my feet hurt. nevermind my aching hands and the pain in my side.”

yeah i know, it’s a funny thought, but what if he decided to stay in the tomb. to not risk it again. after all He didn’t have to rise, in fact He didn’t have to die, or even be born. God isn’t under compulsion, God doesn’t have to do anything (even though quite a number of us think and act as if God is somehow obligated to do whatever we ask, and for some reason destined to give us more than we have already received) yet in truth, despite our grandiose assumptions, God don’t have to do nuttin’. God doesn’t have to give us life or salvation, and just because God is eternal is no reason that we have to be eternal.

yet…God chooses to do something: God chose to be born as one of us, and God chose to die with us, and God chose to rise up to new and transformed life so that through Him we may rise and be made new. and not just in some distant, or not so distant, future, but in the here and now, in this life, in this very moment, to create a new day, to proclaim as living reality a new kingdom of mercy and love, to call a people to His cross and ask us to share in His cross that we may share in His new life, to break free of the tomb of self-righteousness, and fly free and beautiful - like a butterfly.

meanwhile so many of us, His easter people, are unwilling to follow Him out of the tomb and into the glorious new light. why? why do we choose to claim Him as our Lord, yet live our lives relatively unchanged, still absorbed in our personal pursuits and our cultural bias, not willing to risk, but content to roll that stone right back over our tombs?

in john’s gospel we encounter three people willing to look into Jesus' tomb and witness the miracle that it had in fact become a womb. isn’t it interesting that of the three, which included the one Jesus loved and the one whom Jesus said “upon this rock a will build my church”, the first one Jesus appears too, the first one Jesus makes the miracle of the tomb become a womb clear too - is a woman; and not just any woman but one who had been greatly troubled, or as the scriptures read “plagued by seven evil spirits”. think about the cultural realities of that time – a woman, whom a man is not suppose to speak too, a troubled woman who had been shunned by many, this person of all people is the first Jesus chose to reveal His risen Self too. and not only reveal Himself but commission her to go forth and tell others of this great event. He stepped out of the tomb and directly into the proverbial frying pan, breaking both the chains of death and the chains of convention. nature says “all things die” Jesus says “not die, transform”. society says “propriety”, Jesus says “honesty”. nature says “it is what it is”, Jesus says “it is as the Father wills”. society says “the status quo is the way to go”, Jesus says “the status quo has got to go”.

and yet even today there are those in the church that attempt to use "tradition" as a tomb in which to kept things mummified. they say “women in the pulpit, outrageous”. yet it was a woman entrusted to be the first to proclaim the good news. it was a woman who was told ““I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God”. His Father is her father, His God her God. i am reminded of another story from the Hebrew scriptures – the story of ruth and naomi, which is a story about an adoptive family. ruth, as a sign of her love and devotion to her adoptive mother, says to naomi “your people will be my people, your God my God” – a declaration of the creation of a new family. And here in john's gospel Jesus speaks to a woman, telling her the same thing ruth spoke to Naomi – you have been adopted into a new family - the family of God in Christ.

now in the book of acts, peter - the rock, so named for the rocks in his head, had a vision in which the Holy Spirit breaks open his rock head that he may perceive the great truth – that faith in the risen Christ is not the exclusive domain of the jews, or men, or a select few, but is to be witnessed to all; and all who accept the Lordship of Jesus may walk out of the tomb of self-satisfaction and into the faith that inspires a new dawn within the heart of the believer. Think about the profundity of peter speaking the truth unveiled to him by the Spirit saying “i truly understand that God shows no partiality, but in every nation anyone who fears Him and does what is right is acceptable to Him. you know the message God sent to the people of Israel…Jesus Christ – He is Lord of all…we are witnesses…chosen by God … that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through His Name.”

now peter could have remained in the tomb of his ancestors, he could have clung to the seeming safety of this cultural bias that cloaked itself as religious imperative; but prompted by the Holy Spirit he emerged from the boundaries of cultural and religious tradition, and became a free man by proclaiming the truth of the freedom that is open to all in Jesus Christ.

now the Spirit is still with us, the Spirit is still prompting us to new visions and to dream new dreams, as proclaimed by the prophets of old. will we remain unmoved in the safety of our cultural and religious cocoons. or will we take the risk, as peter did, and break out of the bonds of tradition into the new and different light of God’s unfolding kingdom? only you can answer Christ’s call to new life, only you, by surrender to the power of the Spirit, can break free of the chains that bind you and fly, as a butterfly, into the light of the new day – the day of Christ our risen Lord, and boldly live as the easter people we proclaim ourselves to be this day. and not only for today, but also for monday and tuesday and everyday of our lives, in this world and the next.

glory be to God and to our risen Savior and to the Transforming Spirit, and the easter people of God say – AMEN!

© 2011 Halley Low

be like water (a pictorial essay)

2011-04-03T22:20:00.001-04:00

the taoist say "the highest form of goodness is like water".

"water knows how to benefit all things" it does not strive with them, nor does it resist anything, it just flows,

and accomplishes its goal.

water is like the Spirit, it transforms and makes new.

the taoist say "heaven lasts long, and the earth abides...because
they do not live for themselves".

francis of assisi taught "it is in giving we receive, in pardoning that we are pardoned, and in dying that we are born to life".

be like water,

be for others, and become your true self.

patience

2011-03-29T09:08:00.001-04:00

it's the end of march, yet up here in the mountains the snow lingers and the wind still stings like the touch of ice. the fields remain brown, and i have yet to see a single crocus. so where is my beloved spring, where are it's renewing sights?

yet on this morning, this very ordinary morning, something is decidedly different. the winter mornings in the the mountains are as silent as snowfall. but not this morning! the air is electric with the soothing songs of the returning birds. my soul rejoices as i sit in my armchair, eyes closed, just listening to spring's sweet symphony.

the sounds prompt me to look again for the sights of spring, and with renewed hope my eyes see the buds beginning to emerge on the trees and lilac bushes. looking more closely at the brown fields i notice tiny hints of green. and the lingering snow is slowly melting, and the icy winds are transforming too. taking the time to listen and look with patience, i am assured that indeed spring is here.

©2011 Halley Low

don't give up, live up

2011-03-20T15:12:00.005-04:00

(a lenten reflection)

lent is the time of year that many christians devote to spiritual preparation for the world altering event of good friday and easter sunday. for many that preparation is found in the act of giving up something, typically a physical enjoyment of some kind, as a sign of sacrifice and connecting with the sufferings of Jesus on the cross. Jesus did tell us to "denial yourself and pick up your cross". this directive is about moving away from self-centeredness to other-centeredness, just as Jesus laid down His life for others on the cross so that others might have the fullness of life. the tradition of "giving up" something for lent in rooted in this idea.

yet for many the "giving up" of something they like has become the exact opposite of the intention. how many of us have said, "i'm gonna give up sugar/ice cream/white flour/etc. for lent? we use lent as a reason to get our diet on track, to lose weight, or some other personal vanity. what happens to "sacrifice" when it is covertly used for selfish pursuits? remember the words of the prophet isaiah - " look, you serve your own interest on your fast day, and oppress all your workers. look, you fast only to quarrel and to fight...such fasting as you do today will not make your voice heard on high. is such the fast that I choose...a day acceptable to the Lord? is not this the fast that I choose; to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your homes?"

God isn't calling us to "give up" but to "live up". live up to our call as disciples of Christ. live up to the commandment to "love our neighbors as ourselves". so instead of "sacrifices" that benefit our vanities, why not choose to use lent as a time for true preparation by living up to the call. maybe you will be drawn to visit a nursing home once a week, or to set time aside each day for bible study, or to put aside a dollar a day and on easter offer it to those in greatest need, or any number of actions that foster growth in the christian life. why not choose to put down the mask of "godliness" and pick up the crown of life, polishing it a bit with acts of kindness and love. this is the fast God desires - to be a blessing to others as a sign of the blessing you have received in Christ.

©2011 halley low

rainy days and mondays

2011-03-14T13:18:00.001-04:00

a quiet morning, from my office window i can see the snow lightly falling, the flakes bouncing about in the gusty wind. the sky is gray and blanketed in clouds. a seemingly peaceful moment, coffee in hand, yet i can not stop wondering about japan, and how this tragedy has become a global crisis demanding global conversation and action.

throughout our conversations it is necessary to be mindful of the true nature of the global crisis unfolding in japan. the earthquake and its consequences are terrible, though japan has dealt with this before only to survive and thrive. what is different this time, what really threatens japan in the long run, what really threatens the globe in the long run, is what happens to those three reactors. the crisis is not from nature's hand or God's, but from the hand of humanity.

and if you are looking for God in all this, do not look for God in the fury of the wave, rather be elijah and discern God's movement in the reviving breeze. God is the God of the living, the God of life, who always chooses life and directs us to do the same (deuteronomy 30:19). God is always for us. let us be with God, Who is with us, and in wisdom serve God and love our neighbor by doing the right thing.

©2011 halley low

suicide is not painless

2011-02-17T14:00:00.023-05:00

for those who may be unaware, feb. 22nd is national suicide awareness day. there are many reasons people of all ages attempt, and sometimes tragically succeed at, taking their own lives. i am not writing about the statistics, or how we can be of help to someone struggling with overwhelming emotional pain (for reflections on that regard see - the wounds that bind us, a God for failures, moments to live by). today i am writing to those who have lost a loved one to suicide, and to clergy and lay pastors.

both those who have lost someone to suicide, and clergy, struggle with the pain and confusion of the act of suicide. we may wonder to ourselves - "is suicide a sin?" "does a person go automatically to hell if he/she commits suicide?" let us honestly look at these related but very different questions. though before we do i want to be clear on one point, i am addressing suicide not euthanasia, we are not exploring issues of end-of-life decisions in this reflection, but suicide as an action taken in response to overwhelming despair and depression.

first, "is suicide a sin?" life is a great gift, more precious than gold or diamonds, and far more fragile than either of them. human life has a value beyond human measurement. to needlessly take a life is indeed a sin against the individual whose life has been cut short, and against the community who share in that life, and against God who gives life. so in that sense suicide is a sin.

now to the more pressing and painful question - "does a person enter eternal damnation if he/she commits suicide?" to begin with, there is nothing in the scriptures which states that God's love or mercy or forgiveness ends at the time of death. God is not bound by time. time, like all things, is a creation of God and God is not subject to creation. therefore, no one can rightly dictate what God will do, and no one can rightly limit when God can do whatever God wills to do. what we do know is that God is merciful and compassionate, and that God's compassion is "from ever-lasting to ever-lasting". we do know that God sees into the human heart, which is why God is the judge and we are not. we know that God is with us every moment, in our joys and sorrows, in our successes and our failures, in all things God is present with us.

do you think that in our times of greatest despair that God forsakes us? some traditions hold the reason suicide is a sin is because it is an act of despair and that despair is a sin. even if despair were a sin, and not a temporary emotional state of being, does that mean God steps out of the picture at that point? if one answers "yes" to that question then everything i wrote above, no matter how biblical it all is, is wrong. it would mean that God's compassion is limited, and that God is not with us always, and that frankly is blasphemy. if God abandoned us everytime we sinned, (and face it we are always sinning in one way or another), then we would be utterly without hope and already living in an unending state of "hell".

consider the words of paul, which he wrote during a time of great suffering in his life - "for we were so utterly, unbearably crushed that we despaired of life itself." paul was so overwhelmed with despair that he felt it a "sentence of death". he goes on to write - "He who rescued us from so deadly a peril will continue to rescue us; on Him we have set our hope that He will rescue us again". if God had abandoned paul because of his great despair then he would have had no hope. but paul did have hope because he knew that God is with us always and in everything, offering to rescue us again and again.

now paul was a man of great faith and insight, but do you suppose God has less or more compassion for those whose faith is weak or sight is poor? do we not proclaim that God sent His Son while we were "still yet sinners"? did not Jesus say that He came for the sick and the poor? did john not write "my little children, i am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. but if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; and He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world."? did not paul also tell us that no thing can separate us from the love of God in Christ?

for a moment really try to imagine yourself in such a state of pain and at such a point of despair that suicide makes sense to you. imagine the intensity of the loneliness, the enclosing darkness, the dizzying sense of hopelessness and contradiction and confusion. imagine yourself so enveloped in such a state, that you become completely out of touch with yourself, with other people, and even with God, so that you can not see any light towards which you can crawl.

now i ask you, would the God who loves us so much that He sent His only Son to save us, and not to condemn us, walk out on you at that moment? absolutely not. it is in those moments of great struggle and those times of greatest failure that God is holding us most tenderly, and crying, as only a mother who loves her children unconditionally would do, as only a God whose love is steadfast and whose mercy endures forever can do.

no one can know the fate of another, but we do know that God is compassionate and merciful, and that our hope in Jesus Christ is true and real. We know also that God is not bound by time nor are God's acts of mercy and love.

those entrusted with the duty to proclaim the good news, most particularly clergy and lay pastors, be sure you are proclaiming the good news. for if you are proclaiming judgment then you are claiming for yourself the position of judge. and if you declare condemnation, take care that you are not condemning yourself. for the truth is God is the judge, the only one fit to be judge, for God alone looks into the heart with eyes of infinite wisdom and compassion. if you think that talk of condemnation will keep some one else from committing suicide you are wrong, for such talk denies hope, and to deny hope is to deny Christ.

therefore, ministers of God when you speak to the living about their dead take care not to mistake "your truth" for the truth. be sure to think and pray before you speak, "for truth without compassion is brutality". if ever people need to hear the good news it is at such a time as this - the good news of the real and living hope we have in Jesus, and the truth that no thing in heaven or on earth can ever separate us from the love of God.

©2011 halley low

santa is not the enemy (a Christmas eve reflection)

2010-12-24T12:12:00.006-05:00

all throughout the Christmas season we hear some people grumble “remember the reason for the season, remember the reason for the season”, because they are concerned that all the lights and glitter, the trees and gifts, and especially santa claus, will distract us from the reason for the season. now their concern is not without merit, we do become distracted, yet the truth is that the root of that distraction is not to be found in the lights or trees or even santa claus. the truth is all these things that seem to distract us from the reason for the season are simply reminders of the true reason for the season.

so if they are reminders then how is it they distract us? the truth is that they, in and of themselves, don’t distract us. all of these holiday traditions (regardless of their origin) serve us as reminders of the great event of God coming to be with us as one of us. look at the Christmas tree, its an evergreen - yes? why do we use an evergreen and not an oak or maple? because the pine tree is a reminder of Christ, who is evergreen, and a reminder of the eternal life He gives us; the evergreen is always present to us in its living greenness just as Christ is always present to us. so look at the tree and see it as it really is, and then you will see Christ! and what of the lights that decorate the tree, are they simply meant to be pretty distractions from the truth, or do they remind us that He is the Light of the world, and all the little lights speak to us of our little lights that shine in unity with Him.

and the gifts we give to one another are reminders of the Great Gift God have given us in Jesus Christ. we can lose sight of that fact easily if we allow selfishness and greed to rule our hearts. But whose fault is that, the gifts or our hearts? What are we teaching our children about the act of giving when all the importance is placed on the pleasure of receiving things they want, above the joy found in sharing of ourselves that is the reciprocity of giving and receiving? this joy is a reflection of the joy God has in giving Himself to us in the person of Jesus Christ, through whom we are received back into the fullness of God’s life. perceive the truth – that to give is to receive, and to receive is to give.

and what of santa, who of all the things that we grumble over we grumble most about him. we blame him for distracting us from the reason for the season. but my friends, who does santa represent? does he not speak to us of the kindly Father, who loves the world so much, that despite snow or storm comes to us and gives us the gift we are most in need of? that is the grace and truth of Jesus Christ.

in truth none of these things blind us to the reason for the season, what blinds us is ourselves, and our poverty of spirit that causes us not to see the reminders that are before us. all the things around us are reminders of God with us: the tree, the gifts, the special foods, the lights, and yes even santa, none of these takes us away from Christ, all of these serve to point us towards Christ.

yet we become distracted, become obsessed so to speak, with the reminders and fail to see what they are pointing us too. the fault lies not in the tree or gifts or even santa, the fault lies within ourselves, and this is even more the reason why we so desperately need Christ, through whom we are enabled to engage life as it really is, not just as it is meant to be, but as it really is right now. Christ is the lens, the eyeglasses so to speak, that we need to see what is really before us. all things speak to us of God, all things point us to God, each one of us is a living representation of God – what do you think the book of genesis is saying when it refers to us as “the image of God”, what do you think Jesus was talking about when he said “whatever you do to the least of these you do to me” – he is saying to us “OPEN YOUR EYES and SEE ME as I REALLY AM, see Me in all that I have created, see Me in each other, and yes even see Me within yourself".

for within us lay the seed of the kingdom of God, when Christ is born in our hearts then the living reality of the saving work of God is born within us. the inner transformation we all crave, we all need, so that love and liberty, that is the grace and truth of God, may reign within us and through us the kingdom of God unfolds - becoming a living reality in our world; not through us in our selfish blindness, but through us as we live IN Christ. to the degree we allow Christ to be the lens by which we see the world – we will be able to perceive the true reality of all things.

Jesus tells us in john’s gospel “I will draw all things to Me”, all things are drawn to Christ because all things came from Christ – “for all things came into being through Him and not one thing came into being apart from Him”. do you see here what is meant by the reciprocity of giving and receiving? He who created our hearts has come to re-create us into the fullness of the image of God.

so let us not blame things for distracting us from the truth of Christ, but let us honestly recognize that we are the cause of our distractions, for only then can we be like mary and say to God “let it be with me as according to your Word”. for it is by and through the Word, which is the Light of all people, we are born again, and able to joyfully proclaim with Isaiah “arise, shine, for thy Light has come, and the glory of the Lord is upon us.” Amen.

©2010 halley low

Jesus Christ the one and only Living Word of God

2010-12-07T11:55:00.012-05:00

traditionally advent is seen as the season of preparation for the birth of Christ (or to use more theological language the Incarnation – that is God who incarnates, becomes flesh in order to live in the world and dwell with us as one of us). in days gone by the preparation was marked by prayer and self-examination; today we prepare by shopping and eating and parties. the reason for the old way is because of the connection between the season of advent and the season of lent, and the understanding that the Cradle and the Cross are one.

in the gospel of John, (which more than any of the other gospels gives us the deeper theological understanding of this great event called the Incarnation), we are told in 3:17 “indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him.” there can be no cross of salvation (or healing, as salvation comes from the latin “salvo” to heal) or resurrection to new and everlasting life for humanity, or the whole of creation, without the first great event – the Incarnation of the Living Word of God in form and likeness of humankind. the miracle of Christmas is the miracle of the Word become flesh as expressed in the first chapter of john’s gospel. it’s a good idea to meditate on John 1:1-34 during the season of advent. certain key facts about the importance and centrality of the Incarnation are revealed in john that are missing or not fully expressed in the other gospel narratives of the birth of Christ (note that in the gospel of mark there is no mention of Jesus’ birth, and in matthew and luke's narratives the focus is more centered on the fulfillment of hebrew prophecy, or the universality of God’s saving action in Christ, without the fuller deeper exploration of this revelation as found in John}.

in a nutshell the hallmarks of John’s narrative are: 1, the Word (that is Christ or God the Son) is one with God from all eternity; 2, the Word in being one with God is also the source of all life; 3, through the historical event of the Word becoming flesh the full out pouring of God’s grace (gifts) is made manifest for us, and is the means of our reconciliation with God and one another. it is here that the great revelation of Christianity to the world is begun to be made known – that God is Trinity, One God in community of being, and through the Word made flesh humanity is invited back into the life of the One Living Triune God, as was and is God’s intention for humanity.

when we focus on Christmas as being Jesus’s birthday (as in “happy birthday Jesus” let’s blow out the candles and open the gifts), instead of as the moment, in the course of the year, that we as the community of Christ remember and reflect on the great mystery of God’s coming to be with us by being one of us, we lose the true meaning of Christmas and the real sense of joy and hope that this most holy revelation gives to us in the here and now, and in the time to come.

you may wonder, and wish to ponder on, why john refers to God the Son (the second person in the Holy Trinity) as “the Word”? our modern English understanding of the term “word” does not fully express the meaning of the Greek word “logos” which we translate as “word”. likewise our normal usage of the term “word” lacks the deep theological significances of the term as understood in the early church. though some of our adages hint at the deeper meaning, for instance, we may say “she is known by her word”. when we say that we don’t mean people are known by what they actually say with their mouths but by how much their lives reflect what they say, and so we come to know the truth of someone’s word by their actions. “Logos” – “Word” means just that – the action or power behind and manifested through the “Word”. so in a real way to speak is to do(at least in terms of God), which brings us to the very opening lines of the bible as found the first chapter of Genesis – God speaks and creation thus unfolds. the power to create is found in God’s Word, we come to know God as creator because God’s Word (Jesus Christ) is active and true. and not just true but Truth itself, so john writes (1:17) “the law indeed was given through moses but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.” so it is that through the Word we receive God’s grace/gift and in the Word we enter the Truth - which is the very life of the Triune God.

©2010 halley low

our hope is in the love God has for us (an advent message)

2010-12-05T13:33:00.003-05:00

it is often said that the Christmas season is the season of love, and a time to have hope for a better tomorrow. but we may feel that there is little to have hope in, and even less to love. these days we all feel the effects of a stressed economy, and living as we do in a global economy that stress is felt world wide. so where is the hope?

looking at the world stage things seem very frightening indeed. particularly at this moment with the uncertainty in korea. the relationship of the two koreas has been strained from the beginning of the armistice some 60 years ago. who knows what will happen next between these two nations, which are in fact one people, a situation that pits brother against sister, and one wonders - where is the love?

if we place our hope in circumstances there is little to hope in, because circumstances are constantly in flux, the world situation, and our own personal life situations - are always caught up between the ebb and flow, between tension and ease, between hardship and comfort. one day we feel on top of the world, and the next day the world feels on top of us. if our hope is simply that tomorrow will be a better day, if our hope is in changing circumstances, then that hope indeed is weak, and without foundation, and thus is no hope at all.

in the letter to the romans paul writes (15:4) “for whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, so that by steadfastness and by the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope.” he is referring to the hebrew scriptures, but why is he telling us to look for instruction in the writings of days gone by? the old testatment is a collection of stories about struggle, times of shifting circumstances, not unlike our own time. in that case why study these writings? What is the encouragement we will find in them that “we might have hope”?

perhaps the reason to study them is exactly in the similarity, these ancient people lived in a world of uncertainty much as we do. what was the hope that enabled the ancient hebrews to endure in the face of exile, and in the face of return to their broken homeland, in the face of the ever shifting circumstances that is all of human history? in studying their stories we find that their hope was not in fate or circumstance or even in themselves, but in a God greater then themselves or the circumstances they found themselves in; a faithful God whose love was steadfast, which means a love that is fixed and focused and firmly planted. though the circumstances of the hebrews varied greatly, as our circumstances today vary, their hope, like their God, remained steadfast, enabling them to live through crisis and endure as a people.

in the next two verses paul offers a prayer which I find very interesting, (15:5, 6) “may the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another, through Jesus Christ, so that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” now advent is a time we remember Emmanuel - the God who is with us, who came into our world in the person of Jesus Christ to experience with us the shifting circumstances of human life, both the joys of relationship and the heartache of broken trust; and to witness to us in the flesh the ever present reality of God. and even more, Christ came into the world, a world filled with all our individual and collective brokenness and sin, to welcome humanity into His life. through living in Him harmony is possible, even though our feelings and opinions may differ, because He is our harmony.

in musical terminology harmony refers to the combination of notes sounded simultaneously, different notes with different sounds that are played at the same time and yet work together to produce something beautiful - because they are combined within a structure which enables them to be different while at the same time sharing in a purpose – that is to make a beautiful noise. Christ is the harmony who takes our differences and constructs them together to make something beautiful. therein is our hope, and therein is the love which makes that hope a living hope rooted in the living God. through Jesus, our many and different notes blend into one voice giving glory to God.

but how does the harmony of our voice in Christ become real in this world of shifting circumstances? paul gives us the answer when he writes in the next verse, (15:7) “welcome one another, therefore, just as Christ has welcomed you”. according to random house, to welcome means “to receive or accept with pleasure; to regard another person as pleasant or good”. now Christ has come to welcome us into His life, and when we welcome Christ into our life we are freed from the bondage of selfishness that disables us from truly receiving another person. if Christ, who lives in us, has done this for us, then through Him we can do this for one another. thus the miracle of welcoming, which began in Christ continues to unfold in our world through Christ.

in welcoming us Jesus takes our uniqueness into the harmony of a diverse yet unified voice that gives glory to God. by welcoming us He frees our hearts, and in so doing we become open to welcome others into the life of Christ, into a living community of lovers. yes lovers, not lovers in a worldly sense, but true lovers of Christ, and through him lovers of one another, who welcome and accept one another in joy. we are able to welcome, and to love, because He first welcomed and loved us. it is in this welcoming love, and not in ever shifting circumstance, that we find the real hope - for our hope is in the love God has for us. real hope, real love, from the real God of all - who searches our hearts and calls us to be a people, and not just any people but the people of God in Christ.

so let us pray during this advent season and throughout our lives – (15:13) “may the God of hope fill each of us with all joy and peace in believing, so that each of us may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” and so we pray in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and the Savior of the world, amen.

©2010 halley low

a matter of heart

2010-11-28T15:28:00.007-05:00

what is the heart? when the bible speaks about the “heart” it is making reference to more then the physical organ that pumps our blood. the heart is the symbol of the very core of our being – “the heart of the matter” so to speak. that is why when we ponder an important decision we say that we need to “search our heart” - to go deep within ourselves to our very core where we can reflect and discern.

in the ancient near eastern world there was a certain shared body of wisdom. among the ancient egyptians there was the belief that when a person died their heart would be weighed against “maat” – the principle of truth and justice. if the person had a heavy heart (that is one burdened with wrongdoing) he/she would not enter eternity, but if the heart was light than the person would rise up to the place of the immortals. Jesus said in the gospel of matthew - “blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” perhaps there is an echo of the egyptian concept in Jesus’ teaching, in any case, purity of heart and the ability to see God are deeply connected.

certainly “the heart” is an important concept in the scriptures as it is mentioned in over 400 verses. we read in deuteronomy 4:39 “so acknowledge today and take to heart that the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth beneath, there is no other.” here we are called not only to acknowledge this truth but to place it within the deepest recesses of our being. and in deut. 6:5 “you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart (inner being), and with all your soul (life), and with all your might (energy).” Jesus affirms the centrality of this commandment in matt. 22:37.

our calvinist kin are fond of promoting the idea that human beings are “completely depraved” – evil to the very core of our being and thus they teach we can not trust our hearts, because as God declares in Gen. 8:20 “for the inclinations of the human heart are evil”. Such a view of humanity as fundamentally evil is contrary to the teachings of john wesley, and more importantly runs counter to the teaching of Jesus. if we only consider matt. 15:18,19 we might think Jesus is wholly agreeing with calvin’s interpretation – “but what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this is what defiles. for out of the heart come evil intentions, murder, adultery, fornication, theft, false witness, slander.” but Jesus recognizes and declares that the heart is a storehouse of both good and evil and our freewill chooses what we will bring forth, as stated in matt. 12:35, and more clearly expressed in Luke 6:45 “the good person out of the good treasure of the heart produces good, and the evil person out of evil treasure produces evil, for it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks.” So if we treasure good we will store it in our heart and bring it forth in due season, and likewise with evil; as Jesus said “where your treasure is, there also is your heart.”

isn’t it a great and wonderful thing that God does not judge us on our appearances, many and false as they often are, but looks into the depth of our being to perceive the real truth of the human heart which God saw at the very beginning (Gen. 1:31), and for which Jesus came to restore us in fullness (John 1:12, 16). through Christ our heavy hearts can be made light, for “real circumcision is a matter of the heart” where Christ works in secret. the more we are healed and sanctified through the love of Christ poured out for all people, the more we can use our hearts for holy discernment and good works.

Psalm 49:3 “My mouth shall speak wisdom; the meditation of my heart shall be understanding.”

©2010 halley low

fearing God: a reflection on genesis 15:1-5 & 16:1-6

2010-09-29T10:37:00.005-04:00

it is natural to feel fear towards God because of God’s greatness and holiness. but what is the first thing God says to abram in the passages under consideration? “do not be afraid, abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great.:…..he believed the Lord and it was reckoned to him as righteousness.”

in the letter of james we are told that fear is the opposite of love, and that love conquers fear. Fear is based in distrust: fear says - you are an isolated being, separate from, and wary of, everyone and everything. fear tells us intimacy is at best not possible and at worse down right dangerous. if we listen to fear we lose the ability to engage in authentic relationships. yet if we listen to what God says to abram we can understand that God does not desire us to fear him, but to trust him, and as Jesus taught – to love God!

now what does it say to us that abram was 100 yrs old at the time of the birth of issac? one thing is that new beginnings can happen at any age. it also informs us to be patient and willing to wait in joyful expectation, and full acceptance, of the wisdom and faithfulness of God towards those who fear him. i say fear with the idea in mind that fear is our natural “feeling” before the greatness and mystery that is God. thus by nature all fear God, and since God is faithful to those who fear Him then all people are beloved of God, and God reaches out through Jesus to all humanity, calling all people to wholeness. if we trust and be patient – willing to wait and not just wait but to wait in joy, we would live our lives with less stress and greater faith in the knowledge of our belovedness.

in a world of instance “joys” where our needs and, more often then not, our mere desires, are satisfied with a click of a mouse or the touch of a computer screen or a quick run through the drive thru for the fast food; the ability, the benefit, and the desirability of waiting is not in vogue. it is hard to trust if you are not willing to wait, it is hard to live acceptance if you can not trust the process or the One guiding the process. the inability to wait is an expression of self-centeredness

it is the reason we as a people need to learn to be more reflective, to cherish quietude as an opportunity for review and renewal, to be still and know God. if we do we may find like Abram that God does not want us to be fearful, that God is our “shield” and our hope and our friend. Who is ever inviting us into relationship, with God and one another. It’s the reason we have families, to be born into relationship from the very start – for to be in relationship is the universal calling of humankind.

©2010 halley low

worlds within worlds (a pictorial essay)

2010-05-21T09:15:00.018-04:00

busy with the day i dash past this bush in my yard. passed it a hundred times before never taking notice, at best peripheral to my world, this world of its own.

but today i noticed it because its blooming, and my eyes are held captive by it's beauty.

so i come a little closer to get a better look.
our worlds converging as never before.

now my heart beats faster as i begin to perceive the breath and depth of its beauty.

drawn onward i go closer...

my face is practically inside the blossoms now, this buffet for the bees, yes worlds within worlds silently we pass by, yet i am drawn closer and to my great surprise...

behind the blossoms a whole other world within a world within a world to see, flightless baby birds waiting for mom. not a sound, barely a movement, a bundle of feathers, in a nest of twigs and scraps of plastic netting and other human debris re-cycled and re-used by birds; and we think we are so clever.
worlds within worlds,
if only we will see.

©2010 halley low

the illusion of evil

2010-05-18T10:45:00.014-04:00

“for what is evil but good tortured by its own hunger and thirst? verily when good is hungry it seeks food even in dark caves, and when it thirsts it drinks even of dead waters.” - kahlil gibran

evil is an illusion. by that I do not mean that evil is not a reality in our world. illusions are real, though they are not true. an example - i am lost in the desert and see a mirage; the mirage is real yet the reality I perceive is not true. evil is essentially a lie, that is something not true - an illusion. sin is believing the lie and what follows naturally from that belief is living in the lie. the lie is that there is no God, no purpose, no hope - life is only futility. once we start to believe the lie fear takes over. thus pride comes, the first born of fear, and the progenitor of all that is oppressive and divisive in our world; “i" becomes the center of the universe from which all greed and malice flows from the human heart and infects the world.

let me give a more concrete historical example of what i mean. apartheid was the policy of the south african government for decades. apartheid was based on a lie, that is the lie that one race is superior to another. that one lie gave birth to a whole system of oppression and violence. evil replaced the truth with a lie and that illusion created a very real world of suffering.

essentially evil is the lie that tells us we are not good, not worthy of human dignity or respect. “and God saw everything that was created, and behold it was very good.” (Genesis 1:31) or in the words of Desmond Tutu evil is the lie that “tells a child of God that they are not a child of God.” without hope or purpose we live in fear; feeling lost and alone we seek affirmation of ourselves within ourselves, and so our hunger for the light only finds darkness, and our thirst for communion is drowned in the dead waters of self-centeredness.

the illusion of evil (that which is false) can only be overcome by the truth. coming to know the truth in a world full of evil is not always easy. the lies that society drums into our heads (racism, sexism, homophobia, etc.) are hard to dislodge and often difficult for us to recognize as living within us. the lies we tell ourselves (grandiosity, arrogance, lust, etc.) are equally difficult to recognize and dislodge. often our personal lies are deeply intertwined in our social lies, one feeding off and re-enforcing the other. but we are not lost, there is true and real hope for us to be free.

in the gospel of john we are told that Jesus "is the Lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world". sin is believing the lie and Jesus takes it away by shining forth the truth of God. we are not lost and alone, God is ever-present calling us to turn from the lie and to live in Him. God loves the whole of creation and does not abandon us to our illusions, "indeed God did not send the Son into the world to condemn it but in order that the world be healed through Him." by living in Christ we are freed from the power of the illusion. the more we turn from the lie of self-centeredness toward the truth of God's love manifest in the person of Jesus Christ the more sane living becomes possible in a crazy world. for what is sane living but to be free to be who we are - children of God - called to love and live in harmony with all so that the truth and beauty of God will shine through God's creation, for "what has come into being in Him is life, and the life is the light of all people."

©2010 halley low

an ecological litany

2010-05-13T10:09:00.009-04:00

preface
below is a christian prayer for individual or group devotion. the focus is on thanking God for the gift of creation (of which we are a part), and a recognition of our personal/collective ecological sins, with a call for repentance and Divine aid. i wrote this litany for a recent ecumenical ecological prayer service entitled "whose earth is it anyway: a prayerful response" which was a follow up to a presentation i gave on the biblical theology of ecology by the same name. anyone interested in having me come to your church or organization to give the presentation "whose earth is it anyway:a biblical theology of ecology" please email me. as is usual with litanies it is formatted in a call and response style (V stands for verse and R for response). when recited with intention i think it is a powerful prayer. may we walk together with God and one another in loving reconciliation, amen.

an ecological litany

V: Lord God, Maker of heaven and earth, we marvel at the wonder of Your works giving glory to Your Holy Name. Truly You are Father of all, we thank you for Your enduring love, which like a mother holding her child to her breast gives life and nourishment to the whole of Your creation.
R: Thank you God for the gift of life, and the gift of this earth, and the gift of Your abiding Presence.

V: Lord, we remember our sins against You and Your earth.
R: Lord have mercy, and heal our broken ways.
V: Lord, we admit our forgetfulness in our duty to care for Your creation.
R: Lord have mercy, and heal us Your broken image.
V: Lord, for all the times we have put our selfish pursuits before the good of the whole.
R: Lord have mercy, and heal our broken souls.
V: Lord, we remember those who are hungry and homeless, both human and animal, because of our greed and wantonness.
R: Lord have mercy, and heal our broken priorities.
V: Lord, for the times we have turned from Your call and hardened our hearts of stone.
R: Lord have mercy, and heal our broken hearts of stone.

V: We come before you in sorrow for our sins, in gratitude for your compassion, and in hope for new life, through Your love poured out upon the earth in the person of Jesus Christ.
R: renewing our commitment to love and serve You by loving and serving one another and the whole of Your creation, for Your glory and our salvation; we ask this in the name of Jesus our Lord and Savior and by the power of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

copyright halley low 2010

the joy of coffee

2010-05-12T12:09:00.009-04:00

i love coffee in the morning. the aroma of coffee brewing invites me out of bed. i savor the first sip, in an instant i am awake, and by the end of the cup i'm ready for action. so i got to thinking about coffee and how it makes a good metaphor for life.

every morning when my eyes first open i am invited by life to enter a new day. i savor those quiet moments of early morning. by the end of that time i am ready for action. but the metaphor goes deeper.

life, like coffee, can be rich and deep in flavor. just as at times it can be bitter, even burnt. life, like coffee, can be sweetened, only the sugar of life comes from the depth of our relationships. if life gets too heavy we can lighten it up with a little cream, that is the cream of prayer, or the half & half of laughter, or the milk of human kindness. and sometimes when the world is too much with us life can become jittery, yet in those jittery moments life can also offer us calm by opening opportunities for solitude and communion.

life always invites us to go deeper, kind of like how sharing coffee with friends can open us to deeper conversations. it's no wonder that God beckons us to always "choose life" (deuteronnomy 30:19). which brings me to another comparison, life like coffee is a gift from God; savor the gift in gratitude, and share it in love.

©2010 halley low

what i feel is not who i am

2010-05-06T09:32:00.015-04:00

as human beings we are subject to a vast array of feelings. often our feelings are not completely under our conscious control. at one moment i may be perfectly happy as i am walking down the street in the bright sunlight. then suddenly that feeling may give way to a somber moment, and i may sink down into sadness. a moment later i may realize that i was just feeling happy as a lark and wonder to myself "why am i sad now".

feelings are like a compass, pointing us to what's going on inside us. feelings aren't good or bad in a moral sense, but they are subject to change, often without apparent cause or reason, and that is, for the most part, perfectly normal. if we are willing to ponder a little deeper usually we can gain understanding for the shift in mood. other times it may remain a mystery, and we might decide to consciously change gears to a more upbeat emotion (if possible), or allow the flood of negative feeling to wash over and take us to a place we need to be in that moment.

what's really important is to try to remember that whatever one is feeling at any given point in time is just that -- what you are feeling, and is not the defining factor of who you are. just because you are feeling bad doesn't make you bad anymore then feeling good makes you good. they are all just feelings, they have a purpose, or at least a cause, which the feeling itself may be trying to get one in touch with.

whatever the case, to borrow a popular line from the 12 step programs, "feelings aren't facts". that is a really important point to remember, because sometimes when we confuse our feelings for facts we can get really messed up thinking our feelings are who we are. feelings come and go, they can change as often, and suddenly, as some adolescent girls change their hairstyles. who we really are, on the deepest and truest level, never changes. because at the core we are all human beings equal to one another in dignity, and that is because the core of our being rests in the fact that we are all children of the one and same God. that is the fact of our existence. our feelings open us to exploring the fact of who we are, and experiencing the full range of expression that is real life, but our feelings don't define who we are.

sometimes when we are feeling "down" we might start putting ourselves "down", remembering who we really are can put things back in proper perspective. likewise, if we are caught up in very "high" feelings we may get a bit "puffed up", and again remembering the fact of who we really are can help us come down off our "high horse". feelings are an important way of getting in touch with where we are at and where we are going. however, they should never be allowed to dictate our sense of worth, because our worth is rooted in the fact of who we are, not what we feel. separating fact from feeling is a useful way to saner and more truthful living.

places i have been, places i am going too...

2010-05-04T07:38:00.022-04:00

they say "home is where the heart is", and as one who has done my share of moving over the years, i can attest to the truth of that statement. nevertheless, moving to a new locale is always an encounter with loss and anticipation.

living in one place for a while means having built connections and collected memories. for instance, now that i face yet another move, i think about the harbor park where i walk my dog every morning. i treasure those quiet moments: the cool bay breeze, the tree lined paths, the sea gulls and variety of other water fowl. i have also enjoyed the occasional late afternoon saunter down to the harbor, sitting by the water to read or pray. i have developed a connection to that park, and have collected many fond memories.

and while i am experiencing this sense of loss -- this mild anxiety about the closing of yet another chapter of my life, i also feel the anxiety of anticipation, wondering what lies ahead. i am at once excited and apprehensive about discovering a whole new world populated with people i have yet to know, and places i have yet to explore. weighing the trade off of beaches for waterfalls; the familiar southern horizon of sun and sky now to be dominated by hazy blue mountains; the spacious house i presently dwell in to be replaced by a three bedroom apartment, the dimensions of which i have yet to even see.

of course there is the loss of people i have come to know during my daily walks along main street, the parishioners with whom i have developed a particularly special bond, as well as long established friendships which will undoubtedly endure. yet the immediacy of physical presence will give way to the immediacy of telephone and internet. not knowing a soul where i am going, nor sure of how i will be received, also adds to the tension of loss and anticipation.

but in all this i do know the essential truth of the opening statement - "home is where the heart is". home isn't a place, not a house, not a town. home is the sense of rootedness in my origins, the feeling of centeredness within my own person, and the knowledge of the love of God which keeps me sane and secure throughout the ever-shifting sands of time. though the sense of loss and the anticipation of the unknown are real and present, i need not be overwhelmed or overanxious for these feelings will indeed pass as i inevitably ease into the newness. i have learned that home travels with me wherever i go. for who i was remains with me; who i am perseveres; and who i will be is a miracle waiting to unfold.

on human friendship

2010-04-29T08:52:00.008-04:00

when you tell someone "you're my friend" you are saying to them in that same breath "you are very special to me", and that you freely choose to enter into relationship with him/her. this is why friendship is categorically different from most other relationships, and why it is so special, because it is a relationship of free will. we do not choose our parents or siblings, or our teachers or classmates or co-workers or neighbors. all those relationships are chosen by forces outside ourselves (though of course how we relate to them is our choice). but friendship is different, and is why it has been heralded by poets and wise people throughout the ages.

i do not use the term "friend" lightly. it is not a status i give to everyone i am acquainted with, but only to those whom my heart is drawn too in some special and particular way. there are different types of friends, people who are special to us and revolve around our lives but within different spheres of proximity. the outer sphere (generally where most of those we call "friend" circulate) are dear to us and we may share a lot or a little time with them, have fun with them, and share common interests. the middle sphere are our good friends, people with whom we are particularly close, share feelings and thoughts, and laugh and cry together. the immediate sphere belongs to our best friends, and generally this is a very small cluster of people, often only one or two may really circulate within this sphere. they are the ones to whom we share of our deepest self, we hold the strongest bonds of trust,we live in mutual knowledge that no matter what we are there for one another in sickness and in health, in poverty or wealth. this is the reason that spousal relationships are often described as "being in love with your best friend". and within this small sphere of best friends we find our true friend/s.

what do i mean by true friend? he or she or they are the one/s whose best friend status has been tested and deepened with time. the one who stays with us though the years, and if for some reason a lapse of communication happens, even perhaps for years, when we are reunited the joy is overwhelming and the conversation picks up as if it were only yesterday when we spoke last. a true friend is the one who often knows us better then we know ourselves, who can call us on our faults and we value their critique (even if we don't agree with it). a true friend knows us so well that he/she knows what we need before we speak it. i would like to share a story from my own life which demonstrates what i am trying to express.

when my mother died in 2005 i received phone calls from many dear and good friends. without exception each of them sincerely said to me "if there is anything you need, anything, do not hesitate to ask". though i knew in my heart they were all speaking truthfully and would most likely done what i asked of them, i could not ask them. you see what i needed at that time, more then anything, was for someone to come and spend the weekend with me, to stay by my side through all four of the visitations (afternoon and evening of the two day wake), and also be with me the day of the burial. how could i ask someone to be with me for so long a period of time, and in such a depressing situation.

of course the first person i had called when i got the news was my best friend of 20 something years, no one home when i called so i left a message on his voicemail. soon my call was returned, and before i could say anything she said to me "do you want me to come and stay with you", she knew what i needed and offered it without a request. i immediately replied "yes". she lives in the city, a good train ride from my apartment in bohemia, and came out to be with me the next day. now i should mention that my best friend never visited my place mostly because she is not fond of dogs, and i had two large and over-friendly dogs at the time. but that did not stop her from coming and sleeping on a sofa for three nights. and through all the sittings at the funeral parlor and day of the burial at the cemetery and the dinner, she was with me. it was that weekend that i came to understand the difference between a good friend and a true friend. i have thanked God everyday since for the blessing of a true friend.

and on this special day i say to her once more and publicly - "i love you. you truly are my best friend, and i would gladly die for you."

© 2010 halley low

moments to live by

2010-04-28T08:30:00.019-04:00

what is it about growing older that we fear so much? is it the looming reality of death, which in truth is with us from the moment of conception, but which only becomes real as we progress with the years? or is it the loss of potency, or fear of it, that makes us worry about our ability to control our lives? perhaps it is mere vanity, the fear of yet another line or wrinkle appearing on our bodies "robbing" us of the beauty of youth? or could it be the accumulation of regrets for things we have done, or for things we did not do, the season for which may have past and the somber reality that they will neither be erased or achieved? obviously the answers will be different for each of us, and depends on where we stand in the process of getting older, as our vantage point influences those answers. someone who is turning 30 will likely have a different approach then someone turning 70. but the important thing is to be willing to look at the question, to face the reality of aging in context of the point we are living in that moment.

of course we could simply deny that we are getting older and all that it may entail, but most of us know that denial is a game; and a very unproductive game at that. pretending that things are not what they are generally serves only to keep us from experiencing the reality of our lives; or simply put - to live an unauthentic life. that we age is a fact of life, how we age is our choice.

often that choice creates a "crisis" for us, the proverbial "mid-life crisis". interestingly, the "mid-life crisis" is generally not a singular experience that happens at the point we become "middle aged". in truth we experience many so-called mid-life experiences of varying intensities and durations. more importantly we can experience them at any given time in our lives. it is not uncommon for someone to go through such a crisis at 35 or 30 or even at 25 years old. if we understand that the "crisis" is not age-dependent but is part of the normal process of aging for self-reflective beings such as we are, we will not be so surprised that even teenagers can and do experience a "mid-life crisis".

essentially, a "mid-life crisis" is a moment in time that we become intensely aware that we are changing, and that change is turning our world in different directions, perhaps even spinning our world so fast we are temporarily dis-oriented. it is natural at such times to become fearful, the earth is quaking under our feet and we are shaken to our core. we question where we are going, we fear the loss of the security we once knew, we wonder what will become of us, we cry "why can't things stay as they are" or "why can't things change faster" - depending on where we are standing at that moment in the "crisis". the important thing to remember is that its a good thing to ask questions, to look at oneself and to evaluate one's priorities and dreams and actions. it's even ok to be afraid, that's normal, we wouldn't be human if we didn't experience fear in the face of mystery.

however, if fear gets the upper hand, if fear causes us to become paralyzed or withdrawn or sends us into flights of escapism (such as binge drinking, promiscuity, or any number of unhealthy avenues that divert us from the life affirming self-reflective process that we label "crisis") then we need help with our crisis. honestly even if the crisis is not manifested in extreme fear, we often need help to pass through this dark valley. it's the reason many naturally turn to God in prayer for guidance and comfort. it's the reason many seek out a friend or loved one to talk with and share feelings. it's the reason some recognize that they need to talk with their religious leader or a counselor or a spiritual director to help them navigate their feelings and thoughts.

yet if fear has gotten the upper hand that need for help is magnified. sometimes the ability to reach out for help becomes more difficult because unbridled fear is shutting down the natural process of the "crisis". if you are caught in such a state - do not despair, there are bound to be moments of clarity, (perhaps reading this little essay is serving you right now as a chance to see beyond), seize that moment and reach out for help now. God really does care about you, and there are people, even strangers who care too. reach out, call a hotline, call your doctor, go speak to a pastor, pray to God for the strength to love yourself (even if you don't believe in God), just make use of this moment of clarity to move away from fear and into life. no matter how old we are or what changes we are going through life is worth living. if you have a friend or family member whom you recognize is in such a stagnant place, be strong and reach out to him or her, and maybe if necessary reach out for him or her.

remembering that growing older is the natural flow of life, and "crisis" is an on-going reflection on the process, helps us to move on in sane and healthy ways. in surrendering one moment we are caught up in the next moment; living is a continuum of paradoxes. a wise man once wrote - "it is in giving we receive, in forgiving that we are forgiven, and in dying that we are born to new life". and so it is that the joy of living is found in acceptance of growing older and in our full participation in the dynamic process of life.

© 2010 halley low

living clay

2010-04-22T07:56:00.008-04:00

we come from the earth and are blessed with the gift of life from the very breath of God. understanding our deep connection with the earth is important for healthy sane living. we have come to a point in time when the negative impact of human life on this planet out-weighs our positive contributions. what we do today affects the planet far into the future. for our own sake and the sake of the generations to come, both human and animal, we need to re-evaluate our priorities and activities.

where is the wisdom in exploiting natural resources to maintain a lifestyle of ease for some, while others suffer, in the here and now, because of the greed and wantonness of those exploiting for selfish reasons? where is the sanity in turning a blind eye to the present and future effects of planetary toxication? the simple fact is that what we dump on the earth or in the water today is what we eat tomorrow. a simple equation, poisoning the earth equals poisoning our bodies.

the truth is that every day is earth day, in that we need to be conscious of our actions and how they affect others. making ecologically healthy choices in our daily lives is an important step in healing the earth and caring for one another as well as ourselves. simple things like choosing to use natural household cleansers, composting, exclusively using re-cycled paper products, and pulling out weeds in our yards instead of using herbicides (which also gives us an added benefit of exercise). basically, be willing to learn more, be open to new ideas, and think before acting - all this will help us live in a saner healthier world.

© 2010 halley low

in the midst of life

2010-04-16T09:26:00.014-04:00

at times life seems overwhelming. the old saying - "so little time, so much to do" seems to be the story of our lives; school, work, kids, shopping, laundry, sickness, and the list goes on. if we look beyond our immediate horizon things may look even grimmer. a world full of troubles: genocide and war, starvation and epidemics, everywhere injustice and oppression. the history of humankind is the history of struggle: political, economic, social, personal. each time we think we have a handle on things, each time we overcome a personal or social barrier to truth and peace, we find ourselves faced with another "issue". our hearts become perplexed. we want answers, and we want them now, though often we are not really ready to hear the truth, and even less to act on it.

more often then not we don't even ask the questions except in terms of our own lives, too busy with our own struggles to look beyond, or if we do often we deal with it by turning a blind eye. after all we can't fix all the problems in our own lives much more the world. this of course is true, but is "tuning out" the answer? often we become "personal isolationist", our concern becomes fixed on "me and mine"; we ask with cain - "am i my brother's keeper?" or we may ask - "where is God in all this need and suffering?"

the two questions are inter-related. if we have accepted Jesus' invitation to new life in God, then the answer to the first question is - yes we are our brother's/sister's keeper. we are called to love, and love is only real when it is expressed in concern and caring, in order words when love is manifested in our actions. we have an ethical responsibility and a Divine mandate to love our neighbors as ourselves. thus "tuning out" is not an option for those of us who live in God.

so we ask "where is God to be found in all this?" if we look we will find that God is not "out there" in some distant heaven, but right here struggling and suffering with us. we are not alone nor do our cries fall on deaf ears (though at times we may feel that they do). even more important, God is not only with us but in us. this is the invitation to new life, to live conscious of our rootedness in God. in our hearts God speaks to us and silently points us in the right direction.

some times it is a consolation for us, an inner healing, a sense of peace. other times God seeks to empower us to act boldly in love. this is why i said both questions are inter-related, because God is with us in the living of our days, and moves within us calling us to action in love. think about these things in context of Jesus' teachings: "you and I are one just as the Father and I are one" (what does this say to us about the intimacy of God with/in us?); and "whatever you do to the least of these you do to me...whatever you do not do to the least of these you do not do to me" (what does this say about where we encounter God, and what direction we are to go?)

© 2010 halley low

a God for failures

2010-04-11T22:35:00.020-04:00

we live in a success-driven world. we all want to accomplish wonderful things and to be viewed as a "success". if you succeed at something people will say - "that guy's a success", so in a way we become what we accomplish; or conversely we become what we didn't accomplish - "she's a failure", and the world will either laud us or condemn us. our self-worth gets linked to what we accomplish or not, so naturally we start to think of ourselves as either a "winner" or a "loser".

of course the truth is that no one totally succeeds or fails on their own. there are always other factors that are involved. often its easier for us to claim success for our own, and often when we fail we look for reasons outside ourselves to explain it. after all no one want to see themselves as a "failure". some seem to succeed more and others fail more, but it is very unhealthy to define who you are by your successes or your failures. let me tell you a true story.

one day Jesus was invited to a dinner party. the host was a man of great learning and great wealth, admired by all because he was a "winner". that evening while the swank party was underway a poor woman quietly came into the house. she knelt down at Jesus' feet crying. her tears flowed like a river and she used them to wash Jesus' feet. the host of the party was stunned that Jesus even let this "loser" near him much more to allow her to wash his feet with her tears. Jesus saw in the host's eyes the contempt he held for this woman. Jesus looked at those gathered and spoke - "my dear host, you have invited me to your elegant home and shared with me of your many successes. but this poor woman, whom you so despise, neither shares her successes or her many failures, rather she gives me of herself - from the depth of her inner well she washes my feet with love. truly i tell you it is not by your success or your failure that you will be judged, but by your love."

Jesus knows that we are not our successes or our failures; for both the "winners" and the "losers" in the eyes of the world are all broken people needing to be healed. healing comes through mercy and compassion which flows without end or measure from the heart of God. that is why no matter what we do, no matter how much we accomplish or how much we fail, no matter how much people praise us or condemn us, God is always for us. the psalmist writes - "even if your father or mother should abandon you, I the Lord will never abandon you."

this is why when Jesus was asked "what is the greatest of the commandments?" He did not answer by saying its by being successful in this or that action, but "the greatest commandment is this - to love God with your whole being. and the second is like the first, to love your neighbor as yourself. this is the whole of the law and the prophets." it is by our love, not our successes or failures, that we are truly known; and it is through Love that we find healing and renewal.

©2010 halley low

perfect people

2010-04-11T12:58:00.025-04:00

have you ever met a perfect person? i have not, but i have met a few who claimed to be. i remember one man in particular, he told me that since he met Jesus he "never sins anymore",that in fact he is "a perfected person". i was amazed. no one i know who is a friend of Jesus, including myself, has any thing like that kind of track record. i asked him what exactly he meant by being perfected and sinning no more. he told me he had been a hard drinker, and big with the ladies, and loved to gamble, but now he did none of that. that's wonderful i said to him; then i asked if he every became impatient with other people, or spoke unkindly about or to someone, and if he was completely honest and transparent in all his dealings. he thought to himself for a moment and admitted that he was at times guilty of those things, but quickly added that those things were "little sins" and he was talking about "big sins".

surely he is not alone in his thinking. many of us focus on one or another behavior or thought pattern as being "really" sinful, and minimize other actions. often too we only focus on "personal" sins and fail to reflect on our participation in "social" sins, a good example of which is racism. so if we overcome that which we view as "really sinful" we could easily delude ourselves into believing that we have become "perfected".

i am thinking of a friend of mine who was a long time drug abuser. he has been clean for well over a decade now and is fond of declaring himself to be a good person. in affirming his status as a good person he can not tolerate any question about present behaviors that may not be good, because he confuses being a good person with meaning that everything he does is good. no doubt he is a good person, and has overcome by grace many of the problems in his past, and i know that he does strive to be honest in his dealings with others. what he doesn't realize is that his refusal to look at himself critically actually hampers his growth.

its not about being perfect; its about growing in perfection. both my friend and the gentleman who claimed to be perfect, can't tolerate the thought that now that they have overcome those big obstacles there may still be more work to be done. they are, like us all, damaged human beings but their pride in their successes doesn't allow them to admit that they are still damaged and at times fail. their egos are fragile, and to protect themselves from pain they unconsciously pretend they have arrived at the mountain top, and not just one of many plateaus in their journey up the mountain of life.

the obvious problem with mistaking a plateau for the summit is that it cuts us off from further ascent. worse yet it sets us up for a really big sin. if we believe that we are perfected then there is no more need for us to remove the dirt from our eyes. in believing our vision to be perfect we can now freely and easily point out the speck of dust in the eyes of others. we can easily maximize the flaws in others so they out shine any thing we may still find lingering or disturbing in ourselves.

it is far better to understand that its ok that we are not yet perfect. to recognize that God is still working within us individually, and within our society (that is our collective-sevles), towards the perfection we impatiently want to claim before its time. accepting ourselves for where we are, and being open to where we are going, then becomes the truth of our lives, and a source of peace as well as wisdom.

to be the image of God

2010-04-05T20:17:00.009-04:00

the bible tells us that we are made "in the image of God". but what does that mean? it is a statement about our purpose. and isn't that what we are all searching for, our purpose? and here it is - to be the image of God. we are singled out from all creation, even though we are part of creation, to be God's image, that is to be God's representatives on earth. to understand what i am saying we need to look at the historical context of the statement "created in the image of God".

in the ancient near eastern world it was a common practice for a ruler to erect images of him/herself throughout the area they ruled. the image served to represent the ruler and to tell whoever may wander through their land that they were in charge. so when the bible says we are made in God's image it is telling us that our purpose is to be God's representatives on earth. this is why we are instructed to go forth and populate the whole earth, so that everywhere on earth God's image announces to the whole of creation (including the whole of humanity) that God is the Lord of the whole earth.

sadly we have often misunderstood what it means to represent God, and that misunderstanding has lead to a lot of insanity. but if we remember that the call to be the image of God means that we are called to act as representatives of God we can correct that insanity. to represent anyone one must be true to whom they represent. a vassal rules in the name of his/her lord and thus rules like his/her lord. so for instance, a vassal of ceasar would rule with the iron fist of ceasar. sadly we have too often ruled as if we were in ceasar's image and not God's.

how does God rule? does God rule with an iron fist? does God impose on the individual's freedom to choose, even if that choice is contrary to God's will? all we need do to answer that question is look at our own lives. do we live under compulsion from God? are we forced to walk a certain way or are we allowed the freedom to make our own choices? the answer is obvious. God is a God of compassion and a respecter of freedom, a gift given by God to all beings. we are not called to dominate and exploit nature or one another; we are called to care for and love nature and one another, as God loves. nature is for our use not our abuse. people are not pawns in our games, or expandable commodities in our blind pursuit of self "happiness". such ideas disconnect us from who we truly are and bring much insanity and pain into our world. careless self-centeredness is not a true representation of God, therefore we are called to be true to the God whose image we are made in.

we are called to a great purpose. we are created in the image of Love for "God is love". of course the choice is ours to make. we can create sanity or insanity, harmony or disharmony; we can be true to ourselves and God, or not. what will we choose; what do you choose today?

"blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God."

©2010 halley low

the politics of silence

2010-03-26T23:28:00.003-04:00

i love silence. it's a source of peace, and a comfort that provides me with the space to think, without the input of ambient music or the chatter of television. of course, i am talking about silence by choice. silence for the purpose of refreshment. yet there is another type of silence. the silence that is not a choice. the silence that doesn't refresh but suffocates. the silence that is a tool to oppress and to erase the evidence of oppression. the silence onto death.

it's the silence that rings in the ruins of the nazi holocaust. it's the silence of racism that cuts deep in the memory of history. it's the silence that lays in the wake of war. it's the silence that is the company of battered women. it's the silence of a wasteland that once was a rain forest. it's the silence in places where rape victims carry the guilt of their rape. it's the silence of the closet door sealed by intimidation. it's the silence of ashes.

"there is a time for everything under the heavens...a time to keep silence, and a time to speak". wisdom is found in knowing what the time calls for us to do.

when people are denied their freedom, it is a time to speak. when people are not allowed to express their truth but have their truth dictated to them, it is a time to speak. when the innocent are abused, it is a time to speak. when labor becomes slavery, it is a time to speak. when the earth is used beyond reason or need, it is a time to speak.

but who will speak for those without freedom, such as the people locked away in the concentration camps of north korea? and who will speak for those who are demonized and thus dehumanized, such as gay people in many places across our globe? and who will speak for the victimized, such as the children who quietly quiver in too many homes? and who will speak for the voiceless, such as the animals whose habitat are vanishing with each passing day? indeed who will speak for the silence that cries out not to be silent? will the who be you?

remember, our silence will not protect us.

dust in the wind

2010-03-24T21:00:00.014-04:00

most of us don't like to think about death, in particular our own death. we all know to one degree or another that we will die, but most of us try very hard not to think about it at all if possible. when i was younger i knew that one day i would die, but it was very abstract and something i thought was years away from my personal reality. that is a common enough stance for young adults. as we get older and more people we know and love pass from this world the reality of our mortality tends to solidify. yet it is common enough even then to avoid facing the fact of our individual mortality. that's why people put off making a will or talking with loved ones about things like life support decisions and organ donation.

this is largely due to our fear of death. we live in a culture that makes death the great enemy. something to be resisted at all cost. on one hand this makes sense. life is great, our bodies are amazing, the earth is a wonder, and we want to be with the ones we love. yet while all this is true, it is also true that our time under the sun is short, and death is the natural end for all physical life. understandably we may not like that fact, and naturally we resist it, but regardless of how healthy our diet, or how much we exercise, or how advanced medical science becomes - death will always be with us, it simply is the nature of things. (i am speaking of natural death and not death by an act of violence, which is a topic for another reflection.)

while it is understandable and common to fear death, or at least not want to think about it, there is wisdom in being aware of its reality. i am not talking about a morbid obsession with death, which is as bad as an obsession with avoiding death, but a healthy awareness of our personal mortality. being mindful of our mortality helps us accept that we have real limitations. it keeps in check delusions as to our power. the "if you think it you will be it" school of thought and the "power of positive thinking" school are not the absolutes we often delude ourselves into believing. our lives and our wills have limits. a healthy awareness of that fact should help us in making choices about what is really important to us and what we really want to do in our life.

a healthy awareness of death also serves to remind us of the importance of the relationships we hold with others. there is an old adage that says "don't let the sun go down on your anger". anger, however much justified (at least in our own mind), separates us from others. if i get angry with someone i care about and let it fester i will grow a huge resentment that can construct a rigid wall between the two of us. anger that is unresolved can sour our relationships and even our personality. if we let the sun go down on our anger, meaning not addressing it as soon as possible, we may lose the chance to resolve it to death and a hole of regret and remorse may become permanent in our heart. prayer and therapy may help us accept the hole but they can not completely heal it. we didn't create the anger on our own and we can't resolve/heal it on our own, those involved in the rift need to come together for resolution to be possible.

we may become angry with death whom we perceive as having "robbed" us of the chance for that healing resolution. but that is misplaced blame. in choosing to let the sun go down on our anger we "robbed" ourselves of the chance for wholeness. today is the day of resolution, not tomorrow which may never come. today is our chance for wholeness. today is the time of decision. this is the wisdom that a healthy awareness of our mortality brings. death need not be our enemy but a friend who reminds us that nothing on earth is forever, and what is truly important is the love we share. the time to engage love is always now.

© 2010 halley low

who are the least of the least?

2010-03-21T09:24:00.003-04:00

and Jesus said, "whatever you do to the least of these you do to me...and whatever you do not do to the least of these you do not do to me." among the very least are all those whose voices have been hushed by social custom or legal decree. if a person or group of people are not allowed to speak it is much easier to oppress and marginalize them. such is the case for women, who in some cultures are denied educational opportunities and are not allowed to speak their truth in public. such is the case for gay people in some countries silenced by intimidation with imprisonment or execution. such is the case for the hungry weakened by starvation, or the prisoners silenced by isolation, or the sick too weary for words. yet, there may be a few among these who are able to gather up enough strength and willingness to risk their life or liberty in order to raise their voice in protest. so i still ask - who are the least of the least?

i find the answer to that question at the end of the book of jonah. you may know the story of jonah, a man called by God to go and speak to the people of nineveh. jonah didn't like the people of that city for he thought they were great sinners deserving punishment. he feared if he spoke to them as God instructed him they might repent, and knowing that God is merciful God may bless them instead of curse them. in the end jonah's fears were realized, the people of nineveh repented and God showed mercy to the city. now jonah was very angry with God. God spoke to jonah in an effort to help him understand, and God said to him - "but jonah think of all the innocent little children and the many animals."

here God also answers my question - the least of the least are those who are voiceless, who regardless of strength or courage simply have no voice with which to speak on their own behalf. they are the little children and the animals. are we willing to speak out for them?

the call and the response

2010-03-20T00:28:00.000-04:00

often we think of "call" as the vocation or occupation that is meant for us to fulfill in our lives. but is the vocation we choose in response to the call the totality of our call, or only part of our call and therefore only a partial response to the call? we are called to love and serve God, and others, as they are in a real sense one and the same. Jesus said "love God and love your neighbor as yourself." and He said "what you do to the least of these you do to me" - what clearer affirmation of the unity of love - to love God is to love others, to serve God is to serve others. and as teresa of avila wrote long ago, "if you say you love God but do not give care to your neighbor, you deceive yourself." thus the call is one - but the response are manifold.

how then is it possible that our service to God should be limited to one occupation, or for that matter, compartmentalized to the sunday liturgy or even a daily hour of prayer? doesn't every action we take, to one degree or another, either serve God or not? i suppose if we were honest, we would have to admit that everything we do is either an answer to the call to love or the opposite. every action either becomes a sacrament or a profanity.

"do onto others as you would have them do to you", if that indeed is the whole of the law and the prophets as Jesus said, then it requires of us much reflection and discernment before we act, that our actions may truly express our response to the call. i am thinking of a book i read by rabbi david cooper entitled "God is a Verb". he says that before one does anything one should always ask this question - "to what degree does the balance of the universe depend on my next action?" surely if we asked this of ourselves before any action we would likely think more, and act less; and when we did act we would more often act in wisdom.

the point of prayer

2010-03-18T08:20:00.005-04:00

the point of prayer is presence, that is consciously resting in the presence of God. it is not so much about words as it is about the silence between the words. it is not so much about conversing with God as it is about communing with God. it is not so much about asking for things or giving thanks for things already recieved, as it is about an attitude of dependency and gratitude. and it is definitely not about magic - prayer, in and of itself, has no power. power resides in the One whom we engage in prayer.

the point of prayer is conscious communion with God. that is why words are not necessary for prayer. words can be useful, and indeed we often pray with words, but words are not the essence of prayer only one means of communing. think about the words of the prophet micah - in response to the question "what is required of us?" he replies, "to be kind, to seek justice, and to walk humbly with God." walking with someone is an act of presence. you may or may not talk with your walking companion but you are completely present to your companion as long as you are walking together. to walk with someone is to be with them as they move through time and space. when we walk with God we are in step with God. prayer is about walking with God.

the point of prayer is knowing that we are loved enough that God is with us always, in our joys and sorrows, in our successes and brokenness. prayer is the soul calling out in the darkness and God's embrace in the darkness. prayer is to be present and open to the continuous flow of God's abundant love i.e. "to walk with God." it is the best way of keeping sane in a crazy world.

© 2010 halley low

the soul of sanity

2010-03-16T11:19:00.007-04:00

the ancient hebrew word "nephesh" can be translated as "living being, life, blood, or soul". according to genesis life is given to humanity through the very breath or spirit(hebrew-ruah)of God. in the gospel of john we are told - "all things came into being through Him and without Him no thing came into being. what came into being in Him was life, and the life is the light of the world."

through God, the source of life, we come into existence, but it is in God that we experience the fullness of life and come to a knowledge of who we truly are. what do i mean? our existence is a simple fact - i be therefore i am. through God we exist in relation to God by the mere fact that we now exist, and all that exists does so in relation to all else that exists. yet we only come to an understanding of what it means to be fully human by relationships we enter into with others. when we consciously engage the One from whom all things flow we have entered life in God, that is - in relationship with God. if our relationships with other human beings, who share in our limitations, enables us to experience more fully what it is to be human - how much more expansive and intimate a knowing and experiencing of life we have when we consciously live in God - who knows each of us better then we know ourselves!!!

all living beings are equal in the sense that we all share in the inter-dependency which is the nature of all that exists within the physical universe. and we are all equal in that we all share the same fate, whether human or animal, that is birth and death - the cycle of physical life. living in God, that is intentional relationship with God, is qualitatively different from relationships we may hold with another person or any sentient being, because we are not equal with God, we do not share, by nature, the same fate as God. unlike a relationship of equals, in which we are inter-dependent, our relationship with God is rooted in the awareness of our total dependency on God. that the whole universe is completely dependent on God is the true nature of things. yet it is only by being in relationship with God that we are conscious of our dependency - inviting us to gratitude and humility.

gratitude awakens in us a sense of joy as we grow in awareness that life is total gift, given to us freely and without any merit on our part. joy is a common human experience whenever we receive an unexpected gift, and the most common response is thankfulness to the giver. in thankfulness we are able to deeply sense the love expressed in the giving. in thankfulness we come to know that in the eyes of the giver we are worth the gift. to come to a sense of our own worth in the eyes of God we are able to find the truth of our being - beloved children of God. this truth fills us with joy, and affirms our dependency on the Giver. thus we are humbled.

humility makes equality a reality because it allows us to see ourselves in proper perspective. humility opens us to engage in real relationships with other people and God; it frees us from the need to control others and the illusions of pride, and invites us to simply love and enjoy. we are free to be who we are, equal to all others and sharing in the same rights to life and liberty gifted to all. living in God calls us to right living - that is "to be kind, to seek justice, and to walk humbly with God". freed from the illusions of pride we can experience inner peace. in relationship with God our lives become a light to the world.

this is the soul of sanity.

© 2010 halley low

the wounds that bind us (part 2)

2010-03-10T14:30:00.020-05:00

some think that healing means returning to where they were, or who they were, before any particular trauma or life event - everything simply going back to "normal". but healing is a process that bring us to a new normal, not a return to where we were before. the healing process is akin to the process of growth which is the very nature of living. i know that may surprise some to hear, but think about it for a moment. what is "normal", in the sense of our day to day lives, is constantly re-adjusting itself to the situations and events we continuously encounter. every moment we live we change, to one degree or another, by the various experiences, good, bad or indifferent, that we encounter throughout our lives. and that is what normal is, the process of growth (which at time includes a bit of pruning); it is the nature of living to change.

a flower may open it's petals wide in the bright sunshine of a clear day, and the next day some of the flower's petals may be damaged by a rain storm. in both cases,the sunshine and the rain storm, have changed the flower. it can never turn back from that sunny day to be a bud again, nor can it ever go back to the full flower of the day before the storm. yet it continues onward, growing in different ways each day, affected by its past, fully living in its present, and moving onward to its future. returning to where or what it was is simply not an option, much as one may desire, it is simply not the way of life. a large part of healing, or for that matter productive sane living, is found in accepting life on life's terms - and that means accepting that we are always moving towards newness, the ever expanding circle of living, the promise of tomorrow by the living of today in the wisdom gained from the past. that is the essence of true healing. life is dynamic.

sometimes our wounds are deep, and we may need to retreat for a while. that too can be, and often is, part of the healing process. it is only when we get "stuck" in the retreat that we cut ourselves off from the process. we are all different and our wounds are different. some have experiences too terrible for words, and the healing from those experiences may take a life time. the pain may be great and the fear seemingly insurmountable, so we may get "stuck" not wanting to proceed with living. it is understandable of course. and it is why we need to share the burden with another person and with the One who knows us better then we know ourselves. but that is not always easy because the hurt has made us fearful and untrusting, and that makes sense, "once burnt twice shy" as my mother was fond of saying. but unbridled fear cuts us off from life.

fear is essentially a lie - it tells us that because we are damaged we should never trust again, healing isn't worth the pain, life is a misery, all is dross, everyone is false, God doesn't exist or just doesn't care. when we are hurting, really and deeply hurting, it is very easy to believe the lie, and just want to retreat inwards, or escape outwards from the hurt by whatever means makes me feel better and able to "forget" it all. either way we get stuck, we become cut off from life and exist in a shadow. we feel "protected" from the past, and may even believe we have no future; and that is the saddest lie in the whole world. believing the lie means never having the chance to be "normal", we become stagnant and cut off from the dynamic process of life.

lies are like a trap we can fall into, and once trapped it can be very hard to get out. we might even believe the additional lie that we are not able to get out, or our hurt is so deep we don't care if we get out. it is a decision that each one of us can only make for ourselves. all i know, is that for myself, i would rather take the risk of living one day like a butterfly soaring through the air then to spend a hundred years entombed in a cocoon.

the wounds that bind us (part 1)

2010-03-10T11:11:00.007-05:00

there are some who say that the way to counter negative feelings is by simple repetition of positive self-affirmations. while i concur with the general notion that positive affirmations of self and others helps to uplift and encourage, there is a danger lurking in the assumption that negative feelings are bad. if we make a habit of always covering our negative feelings, our hurts and resentments and pain, with "happy thoughts" we will miss the opportunity for real healing. affirmations can act like a band-aid, they cover the wound so we don't see it. if we keep adding band-aid on top of band-aid the wound remains out of sight but does not heal. hidden under layers of band-aids it festers and deepens.

now band-aids have there place in the healing process, but periodically they need to be removed so that the wound can be cleansed and treated in order to promote real healing. sometimes the band-aid needs to remain off the wound, allowing the wound to be exposed to the much needed fresh air and sunlight.

sometimes a scab forms over the wound, kind of a natural band-aid working to heal the wound from the outside inward. for some wounds that's just perfect, yet sometimes the scab falls off before the healing is complete, or we may pick at it a bit thinking it's all better, but its not, and so the wound starts to tickle with blood. "darn thing, thought i was over it." but that's ok because different wounds heal at different rates. of course i want the pain to end now. i don't like pain, what sane person does, so the desire to simply apply another band-aid and forget about it is very tempting.

funny thing is that wounds have a way of making themselves known, often in different guises. an infection may set in and travel to another part of the body manifesting in a boil or some other condition without any awareness, on our part, of the connection between the two. for instance, there is a direct correlation between infections in our mouth and heart disease. go figure, who would have thought, but its true. so it is with emotional infections, a deep wound from childhood lies hidden under band-aids and festers, erupting years later in the form of arguments with loved ones or displaced feelings of resentment or any number of problems or stresses.

i used to apply to myself (and others) what i like to call the joan rivers school of psychology - "quit blaming your mother, get a job, and grow up", lol. and there is some truth in that; once you are an adult it's important to take responsibility for your life. blaming others, even blaming ourselves or God, just diverts us from growing. the blame game is just another band-aid.

however, the problem with this "school of psychology" is that it promotes denial. just forget about it and move on - it should be so simple. forgetfulness is like a long lasting scab, suddenly it itches a bit and you are reminded of it, so you pick at it a bit and then the blood starts to flow, and the original hurt surfaces. this may cause tears. in my case, whenever that happened i would quickly follow archie bunker's instruction to his wife edith whenever she got upset over something - "stifle yourself". stifle means "to quell, to crush, to kill by smothering", gee doesn't that sound like the way to good health? well it never worked for me either.

the truth is the only way to heal a wound is to address it. it will take time, and attention, and the courage to bear the pain, and often, very often, it will take help - from a friend or a professional - and especially from the One who can heal from the inside outward.

the heart of sanity

2010-03-09T12:05:00.001-05:00

thinking about what i wrote yesterday, i realized that there is a fundamental difference between existing in relation to God, others, the earth, and living in relationship with God, others, the earth.

to be in relation to something is merely a matter of the order of things. i live in relation to the trees because both the trees and i exist and unconsciously interact - i provide them with co2 and manure, and they provide me with oxygen and shade.

But to live in relationship with the trees requires a conscious act of my will. it requires me to want to know them and to care about them consciously. for instance, on the abstract level, when i come to know trees as a species i gain a conscious insight as to their importance to me and their place in the greater scheme of things. on a more concrete level, when i come to know a particular tree, such as the one in my yard, i enter into a relationship with that tree; consciously watering, trimming, caring for the tree, and in turn consciously enjoying the beauty and solace it naturally provides me. i am able to become aware of its importance in my life and the importance i hold for it's life.

how much more profound an experience it is - when i make a conscious act of will to be in relationship with a being who can consciously engage me in relationship. when i engage another person, or any sentient being, in relationship i immediately begin to liberate myself from the bonds of self-centeredness and am able to begin to really engage life. hope becomes a real possibility because i have entered the bigger picture. i am not alone. relationship gives me the opportunity to experience the joy of living, and conversely life's sorrows. relationship opens me to the fullness of what it means to be human, and the dynamism that is real life.

yes, choosing relationship is risky, but choosing to exist solely in relation to others binds me to a static self-absorbed existence, which is not really living at all.

© 2010 halley low

my first post

2010-03-08T12:47:00.003-05:00

greetings

this blog is about keeping sane in what seems at times to be a very insane world. i am thinking of this as a twofold exercise. first, by reflecting on my on-going quest for clarity and understanding. second, by reflecting on what's going on in our world with an eye to the larger picture. i believe in order to be sane in a crazy world, one needs to be able and willing to critically reflect on one's life; and to be able and willing to reflect on the world from a perspective beyond the limits of one's station in life.

my journey has taught me that sanity is found in living in relationship. insanity is most easily achieved by just the opposite, living in self-centeredness, where "i" becomes the great "i am". living in relationship keeps me aware of the fact that i am not alone; i don't carry the world on my shoulders; i don't always have to be right; and i don't have to live in fear.

one may ask, "well don't we always live in relation to everything else"? and yes by the nature of things we do live in relation to everything else that exists, in particular our family and society. but i am talking about more then existing in relation to other things, i am talking about intentional relationship - which requires active engagement, mutuality in giving and receiving, openness to the uniqueness of the other, and the ability to bend. and i am talking about intentional relationship as expansive, growing, and alive. not just with our family and friends and our society, but with the whole of creation, and above all else with God.

so this is the beginning, of what i hope will be a fruitful enterprise for myself and all those who accompany me on this blog journey. may the Peace that surpasses all understanding be our guide in the days to come.

in unity
tb2G